---- INTRODUCTION TO CHRISTIAN MENTORING AND COACHING
INTRODUCTION TO
CHRISTIAN MENTORING
REACHING ONE’S
OPTIMUM POTENTIAL
CHRISTIAN / SPIRITUAL
MENTORING
Older to younger
COACHING
Experienced to inexperienced
MUTUAL-MENTORING
Same age to same age
Outline and rationale for the program
30+ one-page guidelines for coaching and mutual-mentoring sessions
This is a Christian spiritual coaching or mutual-mentoring support program.
+ It deals with Christianity’s and social sciences’ optimum lifeskills.
+ Much of this is Biblical material that is seldom presented in sermons.
+ It helps developing more mature behavior in relation to higher spirituality.
+ Lessons focus on what may be needed to upgrade our character levels.
+ Discussions take place about achieving one’s optimum potential.
+ Inspires persons to til the soul’s garden and experience bountiful benefits.
+ Designed to be used from high school age levels to post-college ages.
This is the coaching and mentoring version of the Lifeskills 101, 202, 303 series of textbooks that can be used in its own unique educational settings.
Mentoring can be the next step after, or the prior step before, worship,
prayer, Bible Study, catechism and/or Sunday School.
by Rev. Darrell Franken, M.Div., M.A., Ph.D.
Marketed by Wellness Publications, 930 So. Shore Drive. Holland, MI 49423
The next page contains the index
This will enable you to move directly to the page you want.
After the index there are a few pages to explain this program.
These pages give you some of the rationale for the importance of spiritual coaching, mentoring and/or mutual-mentoring.
We want to penetrate through conventional spiritual arousal exercises and move beyond to build higher levels of Christian character and leadership.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
The following are topics used in this mentoring program.
The issues start with some of the core questions in faith and living.
Discussion is based on Biblical evidence and scientific support.
Pick 4 or 5 topics to begin a mutual-mentoring process with a friend.
SECTION 1 — MOBILIZING ONE’S SOUL
A. ____ Making One’s Soul Run One’s Life 27
B. ____ Listening to the AAHHhhaa! in One’s Soul For Guidance 33
C. ____ How To Strengthen One’s Conscience Versus Our Passions 37
D. ____ Breaking Out Of Slumps, Going For Fulfillment 45
E. ____ Soul’s Selective Attention Within Randomness 51
F. ____ Soul’s Willpower to Transcend Circumstances In Our Lives 55
SECTION 2 — VALUE AND VIRTUE BENEFITS
1. ____ Let’s take a look at how important it is to be LOVING.
Am I enough of a loving and social person to reach my optimum potential? 61
2. ____ How does CHEERFULNESS and JOY contribute to my best potential for who I can become? 67
3. ____ What happens inside the soul of a person who carries a lot of hurt and hostility? 73
4. ____ I want the best life I can live. What are the benefits of the highest level of PATIENCE I can live by? 79
5. ____ How does KINDNESS help a person maximize more of the good things a person would like to experience in life? 83
6. ____ Why would anyone want to think about GOODNESS when people really want to think about fun and happiness? 91
7. ____ If a person plans to move up or get ahead in life, does that person need to be SMARTER or more TRUSTING an/or more trustworthy? 97
8. ____ The Bible says we should be “meek” and the social sciences say we should be assertive. How does the idea of “gentleness” settle it? 103
9. ____What are the consequences of living by more impulsiveness than self-discipline? Where does procrastination fit? 109
SECTION 3 — LIFESKILLS THAT PREVENT PROBLEMS
10. ____ When a person’s SELF-CONFIDENCE is low, what do most people do about it? 113
11. ____ What do the Bible and the social sciences say about the fear of talking with a new person? 117
12. ____ They say everyone can be a LEADER of someone else. What does one need in order to become a better leader? 123
13. ____ How do people put together the idea of FREEDOM and AUTONOMY with social responsibility? 129
14. ____ How does one know when one is LOVING, in LOVE or just SEXUALLY TURNED ON? 135
15. ____ Is FORGIVENESS all about having faith, shutting your mouth when you feel offended, or speaking up? 139
16. ____ How does a person know if s/he is sufficiently ASSERTIVE to prevent winding up bottling hurts and spewing hostility? 111\\\145
17. ____ How does a SHY person benefit from ACTIVE LISTENING - to get another person to have a conversation? 151
18. ____ How important is it to CONFESS (report) one’s hurt and sad feelings to someone as well as praying to God? 157
19. ____ How do people get their act together with the kind of ASSERTIVENESS taught in religion and the social sciences? 163
20. ____ What is this thing called COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING that is supposed to be so helpful to resolve personal problems? 169
21. ____ How does a person WRITE A LETTER or NOTE to an offender to resolve a problem? 175
22. ____ How does a person disagree with another and keep one’s cool like people interviewed on television? 181
23. ____ How does a conflict between a STRICT parent and the more LENIENT parent influence the teenager to become rebellious? 187
24. ____ What should I do if I ever develop serious and/or prolonged JEALOUSY in a relationship? 193
SECTION 4 — SKILLS FOR STRESS MANAGEMENT
25. ____ How to keep high ANXIETY from undermining one’s health and well-being while at work or elsewhere. 199
26. ____ Can I combine faith and social science skills like MEDITATION when I am very anxious or ill? 205
27. ____ What lessons can a person learn to prevent DEPRESSION from immobilizing, stopping and deadening progress in one’s life? 211
28. ____ In what ways will a person do better in life if that person DOES NOT SUPPRESS too much hurt and anger? 217
29. ____ How much does ALCOHOL affect a person’s work, family, success, future? 223
30. ____ What is the average social and economic profile of a person who SMOKES? 229
5. OTHER CHRISTIAN PRACTICES
31. ____ Benefits of Worship
32. ____ Benefits of Prayer (unfinished)
33. ____ Benefits of Charitable Giving (unfinished)
34. ____ Benefits of Service and Volunteering (unfinished)
NEXT PAGES DESCRIBE THE PROGRAM OF SPIRITUAL MENTORING AND MUTUAL– MENTORING
THIS PROGRAM IS DESIGNED TO PROVIDE,
some interpersonal discussion of our Christian faith
evidence of the value of a closer walk with God
a format for spiritual growth via mutual-mentoring
an outline to use to talk about our skeptical though
information on upgrading spirituality
character growth and its many blessings in life
keys to positively nurturing relationships
backbone to live by the Christian faith
social science support for a higher-level of thinking
insight into irrational beliefs that are detrimental
discovery of personal issues that block optimum living
growth from shyness to more boldness in faith and life
upgrading levels of conscience
It is a Christian, spiritually-driven program for building character and reaching-one’s-optimum-potential, and sharing with a friend .
“Encourage one another and build each other up.”
I Thessalonians 5:11
SPIRITUAL MENTORING FOR TRANSCENDENT FAITH
This program fosters higher levels of Fruit(s) of the Spirit, described in Galatians 5:22-23 “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness/generosity, faithfulness/trust, gentleness, self-control.”
Those who grow spiritually to higher levels,
average four times as much SELF-CONFIDENCE.
average triple the level of LEADERSHIP
average triple the level of INFLUENCE
It is obvious that worship, preaching, Sunday School, and other activities are not helping some persons translate faith into higher levels of virtues.
This program adds mentoring (mutual-mentoring) to help everyone of us move up from our comfort zone.
HIGHER LEVELS OF SPIRITUALLY DRIVEN UNIVERSAL VIRTUES ARE FACTORS IN NEARLY EVERY KNOWN POSITIVE LIFE ENHANCING FACTOR.
MUTUAL– MENTORING and
ACCOUNTABILITY for learning
THE GOAL IS UPGRADING FAITH, ENHANCING BEHAVIOR, LIVING TRANSCENDENTLY
1. MUTUAL-MENTORING translates head knowledge into personal behavior upgrade. Every institution of higher learning needs to give their students some experience in mutual-mentoring. It is becoming a requisite for upgrading lifeskills and character that accompanies higher education. Martin E.P. Seligman (U. of Penn) made it part of his learning theory for Positive Psychology in 2003.
2. ACCOUNTABILITY IN MENTORING – Individuals who participate are only accountable to themselves, to their own commitments, to their own personal growth. Neither partner should become accountable to the other partner, in the way that makes one superior to the other. Accountability to ultimate values turns new awareness into new behavior, with greater ease and more permanence. Partners share their efforts and their progress with their mutual-mentor partner(s). That is accountability.
3. CONSCIENCE TRAINING IN MUTUAL-MENTORING
Mutual mentoring sensitizes and strengthens the conscience to hear inner messages and send the signals that generates personal growth. Mutual-mentoring with the Bible and social science information gives a person the opportunity to strengthen key factors that impact stronger character.
4. MAXIMIZING SPIRITUAL POTENTIAL IN MUTUAL-MENTORING These lessons help a person evaluate what each person needs to do in order to reach his or her optimum spiritual, relational and occupational potential.
A CHRISTIAN SPIRITUAL PROGRAM
THAT IS SUPPORTED BY MANY RESEARCH PROJECTS IN THE SOCIAL SCIENCES.
Christianity teaches the basic values and lifeskills that generate positive character. The social sciences do research on the best values and lifeskills, as well as how to achieve them. They are not really competitors. Christianity documents its values and beliefs through historical records of individuals in the Bible, including the God-Man Jesus. The social sciences work with the scientific method to determine the validity of certain truths by which people run their lives. In doing this the social sciences generally come up with truths that are substantially the same as the values advocated by Christians.
From the Christian standpoint the Bible proclaims the highest form of truth. Its message of faith in Jesus Christ has elements that the social sciences cannot research or verify. The social sciences are not into researching faith. However, the social sciences do research the behavioral elements of the life of faith.
There is substantial social science research and many social science references in this material. They run parallel to Biblically taught practical behaviors. That is where the Bible and the social sciences meet.
Some persons see the use of biblical guidelines along with social science guidelines as a bad combination. They see it as conflictual. It isn’t any more conflictual than understanding Jesus as human and divine. Jesus’ humanity and divinity is to be understood as a paradox, or a gestalt, where different perspectives make up the whole. This program accepts the highest levels of truth.
MUTUAL MENTORING FOR DEEPER FAITH AND FOR A MORE ABUNDANT LIFE
The following promises of God support and encourage spirituality, which can be upgraded by a number of Christian practices, including spiritual mentoring.
“I have come that they might have life and have it more abundantly” (John 10:10 KJ)
“Work hard and cheerfully at all you do . . . remembering that it is the Lord Christ who is going to pay you, giving you your full portion of all he owns” (Colossians 3:24 LB).
“Whoever loves God, prospers [health, relationships, well-being]” (Psalm 122:6 KJ).
“Everyone who has left brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life” (Matthew 19:29).
“The gentle (meek, Fruit of the Spirit No. 8) shall possess the land, and delight themselves in abundant prosperity” (Psalm 37:11).
“By [God’s] power he has given us wonderful benefits to save us from the lust and rottenness all around us, and to give us his own character . . .” (II Peter 1:4-9 LB)
“Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove [find out for yourself] what is the good, perfect and acceptable will of God.” (Romans 12:2 RSV)
God promised and demonstrated again and again in past history that God-centeredness and virtuous living are beneficial. The returns may not always be in wealth, but in health, healing, good relationships, success, well-being, and coping in times of crisis and catastrophe.
FAITH PRECEDES SPIRITUAL UPGRADE PROCESSES
Faith in God and His Son Jesus Christ is the primary empowering factor in this program. No one is saved by his or her good works. No one gets to heaven by his or her good works. No Christian gets larger benefits by self-induced activity alone. This is a program that takes sanctification, maturation, and glorification of God seriously. They are the antecedents of Christian blessings.
The program stands in the tradition of evangelical Christianity, following the lead of Martin Luther’s idea that we are saved by faith (sola fide). We need to understand that God has taken the initiative to redeem sinful mankind. He initiated the process with Abraham and the prophets in the era of the Old Testament. God took even greater initiative by coming into the world through His Son Jesus Christ.
Besides this, God daily initiates activity in the world to empower Christians in their spiritual wrestling and transcending evil forces. Now faith is mediated “sola charis” – only by grace and mercy.
Do not let this program lead you to believe the God’s activity is somehow minimized or excluded by the human work of sanctification promoted through these exercises. God’s activity in our lives must be strongly upheld. So also, must human effort be equally upheld. There must be a balance. Scripture demands that. “Seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness . . . (After that the benefits accrue.)” (Matthew 6:33).
This program does not promote selfishness, as some persons may be prone to think. The program is built on scores of promises of the blessings (benefits) that result from upgraded spirituality. We start with faith. Then we acknowledge the benefits. They become reinforcers for further upgrading of spirituality. For example, “Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long on the land which the Lord thy God has given you” (Exodus 20:2). And, “Give and it shall be given to you.....”(Luke 6:38). Christians claim the promises that are found in the formulas.
BRINGING BALANCE TO OUR
CHRISTIAN FAITH
Some see “glorification of God” as the essence of our Christian faith.
Some see “relationship” as the essential focus the body of Christ, the church.
Some see “conversion” and “sanctification” and “service” as the three foci of our Christian faith.
Some see personal “holiness and righteousness” as the desired behavioral outcome of all church activities done in the name of Jesus.
MENTORING FILLING A GAP
There is some research evidence to show that more than half of “REGULAR ATTENDING” Christian worshipers have lower “Fruit(s) of the Spirit” levels than persons who said they “NEVER” attend worship. Their spirituality is not translating into higher character levels. of love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, found in Galatians 5:22-23. And they are missing out on some of God’s promises.
IT’S WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW THAT OFTEN
BLOCKS A PERSON FROM GAINING WHAT FAITH HAS TO OFFER.
Between the 1850's and the 1930's millions of people around the world died from scurvy, pelegra and beri beri, all vitamin deficiency diseases. In the 1930's they saw the connection between flour and these diseases. Millers of flour had removed the hull of wheat and rice, which contained the vitamins, and turned brown flour into white flour, without the vitamins. Today, grain millers put those vitamins back in.
If a person lacks something in his/her spiritual life it can have serious consequences. If persons go through much of the 30 to 40 issues in this mentoring program, they will be performing a service to themselves. They discuss the issues that both enhance spirituality and/or block optimum spiritual and personal development.
Mentoring with this program speeds up what you need to know
to get where you want to go.
THIS PROGRAM USES CHRISTIAN SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH INFORMATION TO HELP EMPOWER SPIRITUALITY.
Here is the author’s report.
I was counseling a couple. I had alluded to the Fruit(s) of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. It was important to their lives. The session finished and the couple left. I sat back in my chair. My eyes glanced at a list of personality traits that were found in published Personality Profiles. The list was taped to my desk by my phone. I scanned the secular list. Then I thought about the Fruit(s) of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
I saw a correlation between the secular and the spiritual, between the Bible and the social sciences. My next thought was, “Well, if the social sciences can measure the levels of all these traits, why can’t we as Christians measure them?” Then we could know how well we are doing, or how much we fall short, spiritually speaking.
That touched off a large research program to see the relationship between the levels of the Fruit(s) of the Spirit and the promises of God in the Bible. I found a book that listed 39 major published personality inventories. There were 342 words (values; some overlapping) in those 39 inventories. I synthesized them around the Fruit(s) of the Spirit. I was amazed. I saw that the social sciences had some general understanding of higher values, almost identical with the Bible. Sure enough, truth about virtues at its highest level, in the Bible and in the social sciences, correlates very well.
I created a series of 896 questions, covering levels of values, levels of stress in a person’s early life, levels of 70 illnesses, levels of absenteeism, levels of financial stress, levels of alcohol consumption, levels of allergies, levels of coping (and more).
All this was done under the supervision of several college professors. And after 15 years I had data from 1900 persons, brought to me via 9 professors and counselors in 6 USA states and 4 international countries.
Three books were written in the process and that information is part of the program. Now, for the first time, we can evaluate ourselves, see where our spiritual shortcomings are, and proceed to fix or upgrade.
I call it Spiritual Gardening for higher quality fruit, called character. Character is destiny.
MENTORING, MUTUAL-MENTORING:
Providing Christian support for individual growth.
for teens
for college age
for singles (again)
for newly married
for parents to parents
for families to families
for blended families
for seeking new employment
for discovering one’s optimum potential
for spiritually driven character growth
for becoming a mentor and/or coach
for empowerment and transcendence (success)
for discerning Godly directions in life
for building and using wealth to expand Christianity
for improving job advancement potential
for carrying on a ministry with church members
who are either not attending locally, or have not joined
a church at their distant location
HERE IS A LIST OF SOME SOCIAL SCIENCE HELP. We can use it in translating our positive Christian beliefs into more highly positive behaviors.
LIFESKILLS (left) (right) ORIGINATOR OF THE SKILL
or well-known user/promoter
Acceptance, “unconditional positive regard” Carl Rogers
Accountability Alcoholics Anonymous
Active Listening Thomas Gordon
Assertiveness Training Wolpe, '58 Alberti, Emmons, Fensterheim
Actualization processes Abraham Maslow
Aggression Replacement Training Barry Glick & Arnold Goldstein
Catharsis, confession Freud and Breuer
Cognitive restructuring for “hoping” M. E. P. Seligman, W. Lynch
Empathy Training Seymour and Norma Feshbach
Fear reduction in Stress Management Hans Selye
Focusing Eugene T. Gendlin
Guided Imagery – Imagination Shamans, Seligman, Achterberg
Intensive Journal (Diary, or writing a note) Ira Progoff
Interpersonal Problem Solving Alan Kazdin, N. Guerra, R. Slaby
Negotiation After Wagner Act in 1935
Networking (for social support) Lambert Maguire
Owning feelings (conscience) Many psychologists, Marriage Encounter
Personal Growth Log Alberti and Emmons
Positive Stroking, love Eric Berne, Claude Steiner
Rational replacement (refuting) of irrational ideas Albert Ellis
Relaxation and meditation Herbert Benson, Jacobson, Schultz
Self-disclosure Sidney Jourard
Shyness reduction (multiple skills) Philip Zimbardo
Social Skills Training Craighead, Kazdin and Mahoney
Support groups Alcoholics Anonymous
Systematic and In Vivo Desensitization Joseph Wolpe, Alan Kazdin
Trust and “Stages” of growth Erik Erikson
Values clarification Gordon Allport, Milton Rokeach
Visualization, Imagery Emile Coue’, Seligman, Patrick Fanning
Written Rational Self Analysis Maxie Maultsby
IN THIS PROGRAM YOU CHOOSE FROM 30 to 35 CORE CONCEPTS FOR MAXIMIZING ONE’S POTENTIAL.
YOU USE ONE PAGE SUMMARY SHEETS FROM MATERIALS IN THE FOLLOWING BOOKS.
LIFESKILLS 101:
LIFESKILLS 101: Higher Core
Values Winners Live By
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1 LifeSkills --
to Raise Level of a Person's Love/SOCIAL
CHAPTER 2 LifeSkills –
to Raise Levels of a Person's CHEERFULNESS
CHAPTER 3 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of PEACEFULNESS
CHAPTER 4 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's TOLERANCE
CHAPTER 5 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's SYMPATHY
CHAPTER 6 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's GENEROSITY
CHAPTER 7 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's TRUSTING
CHAPTER 8 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's ASSERTIVENESS
CHAPTER 9 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's SELF-CONTROL
CHAPTER 10 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's SELF-CONFIDENCE
CHAPTER 11 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's COMMUNICATION
CHAPTER 12 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's LEADERSHIP
CHAPTER 13 LifeSkills –
to Raise the Level of a Person's AUTONOMY
300 pages, 8 ½ x 11 Wellness Publications
ISBN 0-934-958-21-5 $24.95
LIFESKILLS 202:
SKILLS FOR OPTIMUM
PERSONAL RELATIONS
TABLE OF CONTENTS (SKILLS)
1. ACTING ACCEPTINGLY
2. ANXIETY and DEPRESSION
3. CLAIM-NOT-BLAME
4. GIVES STROKES
5. JEALOUSY
6. LISTENING
7. MARRIAGE-SEX
8. NEGOTIATION
9. NEUTRALIZE POWER
10. PARENTAL UNITY
11. REMORSE- FORGIVE
12. SELF-TALK
13. SELF-WORTH Reduction
14. SHARE-FEELINGS
15. SOCIALIZATION
16. STOP-PUTDOWNS
17. STRESS-RELAXATION
18. TIME-MANAGEMENT
19. UPGRADE-VALUES
20. WRITE-TO-RECONCILE
21. WRITTEN-SELF-ANALYSIS
300+ pages, 8 ½½ x 11
Wellness Publications
ISBN 0-934-958-25-8
$24.95
LIFESKILLS 303:
OPTIMUM LIFESKILLS FOR
STRESS MANAGEMENT
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1. Facing life's stressful crises
Chapter 2. Stress and illness symptoms
Chapter 3. Skills for anxiety and depression
Chapter 4. Dealing with stressful relations
Chapter 5. Suppressed hurt/anger/guilt
Chapter 6. Value changes for job stress
Chapter 7. Financial stress
Chapter 8. Counteracting Alcohol stress
Chapter 9. Self-control for smoking stress
Chapter 10. Education for overweight stress
Chapter 11. Poor Nutrition Stressors
Chapter 12. Hypoglycemic (sucrose) stress
Chapter 13. Strategies for allergy stress
Chapter 14. Skills for stress in caring for others
Chapter 15. Socialization as a coping skill
Chapter 16. Values combating stress
Chapter 17. Exercise as a coping skill
Chapter 18. Relaxation as a coping skill
Chapter 19. Assertiveness as a coping skill
300+ pages, 8 ½½ x 11
Wellness Publications
ISBN 0-934958-28-2 $24.95
LIFESKILLS 404:
REACHING ONE’S
OPTIMUM POTENTIAL
WITH SOUL POWER
Darrell Franken
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1 LifeSkills --
MAKING YOUR SOUL RUN YOUR LIFE
CHAPTER 2 LifeSkills –
AAHHhhaa! The Yes! Yes! OF YOUR SOUL
CHAPTER 3 LifeSkills –
AAHHhhaa! FACTORS IN DIVINE REVELATION
CHAPTER 4 LifeSkills –
SOUL INFLUENCING CONSCIENCE
CHAPTER 5 LifeSkills –
BREAKING OUT WITH SOUL POWER
CHAPTER 6 LifeSkills –
SOUL’S DIVINE GUIDANCE WITHIN RANDOMNESS
CHAPTER 7 LifeSkills –
SOUL CONNECTING THE RANDOM DOTS OF AAHHhhaa!
CHAPTER 8 LifeSkills –
SYNCHRONICTY: UNITING MATTER AND SPIRIT
CHAPTER 9 LifeSkills –
SOUL’S INFLUENCE ON SELECTIVE ATTENTION
CHAPTER 10 LifeSkills –
AAHHhhaa! STRENGTHENING WILL POWER
CHAPTER 11 LifeSkills –
SOUL’S DRIVE FOR ULTIMATE FULFILLMENT
CHAPTER 12 LifeSkills –
DREAMS HELPING PEOPLE TRANSCEND DIFFICULTIES
CHAPTER 13 LifeSkills –
ANGELS – COMFORT, PROTECTION, PREDICTION
300 pages, 8 ½ x 11 Wellness Publications
ISBN 0-934-958-76-2 $24.95
JESUS REACHED OUT — asked people like Zaccheus to lunch with him
and give him a chance to share what he had to offer.
This program empowers you to do that.
JESUS MENTORED — associated with his
disciples to build trust, coach and generate
followers filled with faith and zeal.
His disciples increased their character
traits. Most of them went on to achieve
their maximum potential.
Spiritual mentoring is for those who
would like to experience it’s potential,
and for those who would like to offer it.
GETTING STARTED
FIND A PERSON WHO MIGHT BE WILLING TO JOIN YOU.
MEET OVER LUNCH. — DISCUSS ELEMENTS OF THIS PROGRAM.
INVITE THE PERSON TO JOIN YOU, OFFERING TO QUIT ANYTIME.
LOOK AT THE 30+ CORE ISSUES DESCRIBED.
YOU MAY WANT TO PICK AND CHOOSE TO TRY THEM OUT.
AFTER 3-4 SESSIONS DISCUSS BEING WILLING
TO FINISH THE PROGRAM.
GET TOGETHER REGULARLY
READ THE INFORMATION.
DO THE EXERCISES.
DISCUSS WHAT YOU ARE LEARNING.
DISCUSS HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF IN RELATION TO THE EXERCISES.
SHARE INFORMATION ABOUT HOW FAR YOU HAVE DEVELOPED.
FILL OUT THE ACCOUNTABILITY SECTIONS.
KEEP THIS AS A JOURNAL.
CHOOSE FROM THESE TOPICS
Here is an opportunity to experience,
COACHING,
MENTORING,
MUTUAL-MENTORING
Choose to start from 4 to 5 of these topics.
Start from the beginning,
or start with a few that interest you and your mentor- partner
In the future more people will reach their best potential with mentoring and mutual-mentoring, or coaching.
IN THE NEXT COLUMN THERE IS A LIST OF TOPICS FOR MENTORING AND COACHING.
Choose a sequence of issues from the list below for mentoring discussions.
CHECK FOUR OR FIVE CHOICES TO BEGIN.
SECTION 1 — MOBILIZING ONE’S SOUL
A. __ Making One’s Soul Run One’s Life
B. ___ Listening to the AAHHhhaa! in One’s Soul For Guidance
C. __ How To Strengthen One’s Conscience Versus Our Passions
D. __ Breaking Out Of Slumps, Going For Fulfillment
E. __ Soul’s Selective Attention Within Randomness
F. __ Soul’s Willpower to Transcend Circumstances In Our Lives
SECTION NO. 2
VALUES, BELIEFS, BEHAVIORS THAT IMPROVE HEALTH, SUCCESS, AND WELL-BEING – correlated with scientific evidence.
1. ___Let’s take a look at how important it is to be LOVING. Am I enough of a LOVING and SOCIAL person to reach my optimum potential?
2.___ How does CHEERFULNESS and JOY contribute to my best potential for who I can be?
3. ___ Perhaps I need to know how important it is to make PEACE with persons throughout life.
4. ___ I want the best life I can live. What are the benefits of the highest level of PATIENCE I can live by?
5. ___ How does KINDNESS help a person maximize more of the good things a person would like to experience in life?
6. ___ Why should anyone want to think about GOODNESS when people really want to think about fun and happiness?
7. ___ If a person plans to move up or get ahead in life, does that person need to be smarter or more TRUSTING and/or more TRUSTWORTHY?
8. ___ The Bible says we should be “meek” and the social sciences say we should be “assertive”? How does the idea of “gentleness” settle it?
9. ___ Sometime a person can procrastinate more than is good, or live by impulse a bit too much. What are the reasons for this and how does a person improve toward SELF-CONTROL?
The above issues are fruit(s) of the spirit in GALATIANS 5:22-23
SECTION NO. 3
MAXIMIZING INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS using Biblical and social science guidance.
10. ___ When a person’s SELF-CONFIDENCE is low, what do most people do about it. .
11. ___ What do the social sciences and the Bible say about the fear of COMMUNICATION, not always knowing how to talk with strangers.
12. ___ They say everyone can be a LEADER of someone else. What does one need in order to become a better leader?
13. ___ How do people put together the idea of FREEDOM or AUTONOMY with social responsibility?
14. ___ How does one know when they are LOVING, IN LOVE, or just sexually turned on?
15. ___ Is FORGIVENESS all about having faith, shutting your mouth when you hurt, or speaking up?
16. ___ How do a person know if s/he is sufficiently ASSERTIVE to prevent winding up bottling hurts and spewing hostility.
17. ___ How does a SHY person benefit from ACTIVE LISTENING – to get another person to have a conversatio?.
18. ___ Is confession (to others) of personal FEELINGS of times of hope-lessness, important to me and to God?
19. ___ How do people get their act act together with the kind of ASSERTIVENESS taught in religion and the social sciences?
20. — What is this thing called COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING that is supposed to be so helpful to solve problems?
21. ___ How does a person WRITE A LETTER to an offender to resolve a problem?
22. ___ How does a person disagree with a another and keep one’s cool like people interviewed on television?
23.___ How does a conflict between a STRICT parent and the more LENIENT parent influence the teenager to become rebellious?
24. ___ How to keep high ANXIETY from undermining the one’s health and well-being while at work or elsewhere
25. ___ Can I combine faith and social science skills like MEDITATION when I am very anxious or ill?
SECTION No. 4 STRESS MANAGEMENT
26. ___ What should I do if I ever develop JEALOUSY?
27. ___ What lessons can a person learn to prevent DEPRESSION from immobilizing, stopping and deadening progress in one’s life.
28. ___ How will a person do better in life if that person DOES NOT SUPPRESS too much hurt and anger?
29. ___ How much does ALCOHOL affect a person’s work, family, success, future?
30. ___ What is the social and economic profile of a person who SMOKES a lot?
5. CHRISTIAN ISSUES
31. ___ Worship (unfinished)
32. ___ Conscience (unfinished)
33. ___ Will Power (unfinished)
34. ___ Who has the mostFUN?
....... (unfinished)
35. ___ Identification
(unfinished)
Those issues represent some of the core issues in life. They are core issues in the social sciences as well as in faith. They are issues for everyone. They are issues, mostly about empowerment for mature character, for problem prevention living.
CHRISTIAN COACHING AS MENTORING AND MUTUAL MENTORING
The coach does not have all the answers. He or she is not perfect but continues to be willing to improve, to stay ahead of the sinful weeds of this world. Coaching is a combination of some teaching, some dialogue, some sharing of personal experiences that bond our friendship. Hopefully, both persons in the dialogue are willing to expect and see expressions of growth in character.
The social science research conclusions that are cited in these lessons come from a research project that included 1900 persons. After pilot studies 380 persons answered 892 questions about their values, their health, their relationships and their stress factors. Nine professors and counselors helped collect information in 6 states and 4 countries.
Glorifying God, Maximizing One’s Potential
Here is my name, ________________________________
address ________________________________
and phone number ________________________________
or email. ________________________________
Research used in this brochure is described in Maximum Statistical Benefits of Living by Higher Values, written by Darrell Franken, M.A., M.Div., Ph.D. © 1995-2006
GETTING ACQUAINTED WITH YOUR
COACHING OR MUTUAL-MENTORING PARTNER
These are friendship-oriented sessions.
It is appropriate to learn some basic facts about each other.
Ask questions of each other, leading with statements like, “Tell me about. . . . .”
or “I’d like to know about.....”
If you should accidently ask something that is not quite as appropriate at you might have thought, say so.
Mutual-mentoring should become a two-way conversation. It might not start out that way, but keep trying.
Each person would do best to think of these sessions as learning sessions, from each other.
If one is older than the other, make sure the older one does not make this a one-sided session.
The following are some guidelines for getting acquainted.
1. Let each one make sure they know the name of the other person, and how to pronounce it.
2. Make clear that these are conversations to become friends and should be confidential
Gossip is not permitted.
3. Follow that up with each one sharing information about where the person . . . . . (Samples)
was born,
now lives with follow ups like, “And have you always lived there.....(or) and then where did you live.... “etc.
how old
where you are (or were) in school, or work, etc.
parents are
brothers and sisters are
4. OTHER LEADING THOUGHTS (used at random by both persons) (Samples)
“Tell me something about school
“I’d like to hear about your work......
“I understand you are retired.........
“Who are your friends..... tell me about one of them
And when that person finishes, say.....
“Now let me hear about one of your friends.”
“Can you recall one or your most memorable experiences............
And when the person finishes, say to the partner, ..........
“Now let me hear about one of your most memorable experiences.”
OTHER TOPICS
travels
books you read
games you like
sports you play(ed)
stores you shop in
5. WHAT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO LEARN FROM EACH OTHER........ (Samples)
(If you ask, and your partner seems hesitant to talk, go to another subject)
shy moments that were embarrassing
mistakes you dare to talk about
pressures you live with
defeats in sports
picked on
successes
wins
death of someone dear
miracle in one’s life
obstacles
What is your thought about your future
What do you like and/or dislike about our church
6, QUESTIONS BY THE OLDER PERSON TO A YOUNGER PERSON (Samples)
Were you afraid of this idea of mutual-mentoring?
Would you like to hear about
Tell me what it is like to be a teen-ager (or high school student, or college student)
How do you see your generation different than my generation?
7. QUESTIONS BY THE YOUNGER PERSON (Samples)
What can I learn from you that will prevent me having some struggle you had?
What is one of the joys you experience about being a Christian?
Do you sometimes have doubts about Christianity, and how do you resolve them?
8. LET US TALK ABOUT THE PURPOSE OF GETTING TOGETHER. (Samples)
There are several reasons to be getting together.
A. Spiritual mentoring is the process of working at applying the Bible to life...
B. Jesus did mentoring, and the disciples did mutual-mentoring.
C. Industry and business uses coaching/mentoring for speedier learning and reaching higher levels,
so why shouldn’t Christians do the same..
D. Mentoring is a step above Bible Study because it is more personal and sharing accountability.
E. If you find mentors and meet with them throughout life, you will reach leadership levels faster.
F. You’ll probably mature spiritually at a much faster rate, and find more fulfillment in the process..
G. Christians often find a spiritual comfort zone at too low a level and then miss many of God’s promises.
H. Some research shows that more than half of “regularly attending” Christian worshipers have
below average levels of the 9 highest virtues in the Bible. The consequence of this is that those
lower level persons do not enjoy some of God’s blessings promised in the Bible. You will see
this as you go through the lessons. We are using mutual mentoring to help us see what
Christian values and behaviors we need to raise.
LESSON No. A
MAKING YOUR SOUL RUN YOUR LIFE?
THE TRANSCENDING POWER OF THE SOUL FOR YOUR DAILY GROWTH AND LATER FOR YOUR ETERNAL LIFE.
COACHING MUTUAL MENTORING
Two persons helping each other to reach their optimum potential
GUIDELINES FOR SPIRITUAL AND PROFESSIONAL GROWTH
POEM
Read this poem and notice your feelings rise to say, “That is just what I want to become.”
THE TOUCH OF THE MASTER'S HAND
by Myra Welch & Ernest Longstaffe (1936)
'Twas battered and scarred and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while,
To waste much time on the old violin
But held it up with a smile.
`What am I bidden good folks,' he cried,
`Who'll start the bidding for me?
A guinea, a guinea, then two, only two?
Two guineas, and who'll make it three?
Three guineas once, Three guineas twice,
Going for three?' But no!
From the room far back a grey haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow,
Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening the loose strings.
He played a melody pure and sweet,
As a carolling angel sings.
The music ceased and the auctioneer
In a voice that was quiet and low,
Said, `What am I bid for the old violin?'And then held it up with the bow.
`A thousand guineas, and who'll make it two,
Two thousand, and who'll make it three?
Three thousand once, three thousand twice;
And going and gone,' said he.
The people cheered but some of them cried,
`We do not quite understand
What changed it's worth?'
Swift came the reply
`The touch of a master's hand.'
And many a man with life out of tune,
And battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd
Much like the old violin.
A'mess of pottage,' a glass of wine.
A game, and he travels on.
He is `going once,' he's `going twice,'
He's `going' and almost `gone;'
But the Master comes and the foolish crowd
Can never quite understand,
The worth of a soul and the change that's wrought,
By the touch of the Master's hand.
SHIFT FROM GOD IN HEAVEN TO GOD IN THE HUMAN SOUL
The story in the poem generates an image of God our heavenly Father affecting our lives. In the poem God is outside of us. It’s a picture of his heavenly being masterfully touching our lives from the outside. We are the strings. He has the bow in his hand. My imagery sees it this way. God is not inside the bow. He is not inside the violin. I love the poem. I have tears of empathy and joy when I hear it, or when someone performs it on stage. It is magnificent.
However, the theology is one of God who is mostly external to the Christian. I want to turn your attention to other verses from the Bible that show God as mostly within the Christian, in his/her heart, in his/her mind, in his/her soul. See this in the following quotation from the Bible.
“Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God” I Corinthians 3:16, 6:19 RSV.
SCENARIO OF GOD IN THE SOUL
Think of God living in your soul. Just forget for a moment that God was the Holy Spirit coming into 120 Christians at Pentecost. Look inside your being and try to envision God sitting in your brain or your heart. He has memorized the entire map of the universe, the world, and your home town and friends. He is ready to go anywhere you want him to take you. You want more happiness in life. He promised get you there. You want fewer problems. He knows the detours around hazards. You want love. He knows every road and all the skills to get you there. He is just waiting for your thumbs-up..
O.K. You gave him thumbs up. You said you had faith in him. Then your friend dropped over with a 6 pack. You drank your half plus the one you had hid behind the pickles in the refrigerator..
You weren’t fit for God and you to have a little conversation at that time. Next morning God felt in a bind, so he increased the volume on your conscience. There was a big battle going on inside between two different lifestyles. Your passion for pleasure got into a fight with your spiritual sensitivities. God sits in that spiritual sensitivity spot. It is guilt that you feel. Guilt comes from ignoring God. Guilt comes from violating not only God, but by violating our own good sense. Enough unresolved and unforgiven guilt can undermine health and well-being. Jesus came to prevent that.
WHAT SOCIAL SCIENCES SAY
There is a continuing struggle between what we know we ought to do and what we want to do. The Bible describes it this way.
“So I find it a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members” (Romans 7;21-22).
The social sciences have a model that resembles the Biblical mode. Sigmund Freud, not the friend of some persons, helped to identify the body, mind, spirit model of the YMCA. Freud used three words to identify three parts to the psyche (Greek for soul): ego, superego and id. Ego was the central processor of information, that eventually dispatched choices and decisions. The superego was Freud’s understanding of the predominantly ought side of the human psyche/soul. The “id” was mostly the passionate, want side of human drives and human pleasure. Id drives were biological, some mental, some pleasureful, etc.
You can sense a never-ending series of scenarios in your life, where the superego (ought system) and the id (want system) have their struggles with each other. The ego is the decision maker. The ego learns from experience and mental processing how to upgrade itself. However, the whole system is pretty much on its own, without God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Without these a human being can wander off into any direction that the person wanted. That is dangerous.
So our existence deals with a 6 or 7 component system; body, mind, spirit, ego, superego, id. There is a place for God in this system. It is in “spirit.” Mostly, we are born with some generalized spirituality. God wishes to take up residence in anyone who accepts him.
HERE IS THE ISSUE
The issue is whether we can grasp and live by two venues for God. Can we abide by the idea that God is probably as active in Christian souls, as he is in the world, nature and the heavens. You can debate this but as I read the Bible an enormous amount of the Bible pictures God as external to the human soul.
THE HEAVEN- VENUE GOD
What are the problems with a heavenly-venue God ?
We have had centuries of theology and hundreds of theology books written about God. We know more about God and his activities in the heavens, in the seas, in Palestine, in rocks, in hills, activating punitive judgement on sinners by foreign adversaries, etc. He is mostly distant and external to us. Read the Psalms and observe how many majestic things God can do.
Then Pentecost brought in a new era. One hundred twenty Christians were empowered by the Holy Spirit (God himself indwelling). God began empowering Christians from inside the soul. Christianity became a faith that nearly everyone in the western world wanted. Read these verses to catch the idea of the God-venue in the heavens. Psalm 68:21, Psalm 76:4, Psalm 72:13-16, Psalm 95:1-5
How do we get the Holy Spirit to function in people? Do we wait for God in heaven to come down? Do we wait for Evangelistic crusades? Do we go door to door? Do we do service projects and/or for whom? Etc.
GOD’S VENUE IN THE SOUL
The New Testament presents a stronger picture of God in the human soul.
Christian spirituality appears to exist at different levels. First, there is a somewhat indigenous spirituality common to mankind, Secondly, there is a higher level of spirituality attributed to Christians who “walk in the spirit.” In Christian spirituality the Holy Spirit occupies that higher level or function. Listen to Jesus talk about it. “The Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you” (John 14:26 NIV). Here is a description of God working out of his office in one’s soul.
If the Christian church is to accomplish its mission to be the “light of the world” and “salt of the earth” more of need to listen to the promptings of our souls?
How does God prompt us today? Does God use the burning bush as he did with Moses? Or the awakening in the night like Samuel? Or the dream of a sheet filled with unclean animals coming down from heaven?
BEING RENEWED IN THE SPIRIT
Sin blocks the indwelling powers of the divine inside our souls. God reigns in the heavens and in the earth without impediments or blockages. However, God’s reign in our lives is often frustrated by our beastly passions and unprofitable temptations. As a result many Christians never experience the transcending and empowering power of the gospel in their lives.
Christians, in their mutual labor of love with God, need to work with this King of one’s soul to remove the frustrations with which God is faced. Some of our ideas, our false myths, our preconceived notions and our bad behaviors need to be trashed. “Do not live any longer like the Gentiles, in the futility of their minds (nous)” (Ephesians 4:17). “(False prophets) have eyes full of adultery, insatiable for sin...” (II Peter 2:14). “Let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit (pneuma)...” (II Corinthians 7:1). “Be renewed in the spirit (pneuma) of your mind (umon)” (Ephesians 4:23).
When the Christian accepts the influence of God in his/her soul, a new process begins. The new process releases the divine activity, eliminates God’s fenced-in status, and allows God to neutralize the sins of the flesh found in Galatians 5:19ff.
PROMPTINGS FROM THE SOUL
There is a lot of talk in Christian circles about having a “personal relationship with God.” If you awakened in the middle of the night with an enormous amount of concern for your brother, would you see that as a message from God,