Ch.1. LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF

Ch.1. LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF

Observe the statistical rewards of being a more loving person

No. 1 Fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23

In the book

LIFESKILLS 101: Higher Core Values Winners Live by

The first most important universal value of mankind

(The Fruit(s) of the Spirit are; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,

faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.)

RESEARCH SHOWS STATISTICAL BENEFITS FROM LIVING BY HIGHER LOVE.

Jesus said, “Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters, or father or mother, or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.” Matthew 19:29 KJ. Luke’s gospel says persons receive “many fold.”(Luke’s gospel says persons receive “many fold.”) — This research report demonstrates that, on the average, such benefits do occur to committed Christians who grow to higher levels of Fruit(s) of the Spirit.

More than 500 years before Christ, Isaiah talked about “benefits” from God. “Thus says the Lord, I am the Lord your God who teaches you to profit (benefit), who leads you in the way you should go.” (Isaiah 48:17 KJ)

For 2000 years Christianity has benefitted many people. Countless stories of the benefits exist. Those stories inspire us all. While people outside of the Christian faith discount those stories the new research statistics here show that living by God’s rules generally pays off.

The significance of this research is that we now have a fairly sizeable data base of information to show specific benefits of specific levels of Fruit(s) of the Spirit. Non-Christians are now faced with statistical information, empirical evidence of benefits from CHRIST’S OPTIMUM LIFESKILLS.

IN PREPARATION FOR LEARNING ABOUT THE NUMBER 1 “FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT” WHICH IS “LOVE” WE OFFER THE FOLLOWING SET OF QUESTIONS.

This set of questions helps you see yourself in comparison to others.

WILL YOU FILL OUT THE FOLLOWING ANSWERS.

PART 1.

YOU CAN USE THE FOLLOWING SET OF QUESTIONS TO MEASURE YOUR LOVE / SOCIAL LEVEL AND COMPARE IT WITH A CROSS SECTION OF OTHER PEOPLE.

Pick out the most appropriate response.

Write the number of that response in the space provided by that statement.

0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always

1.______ I take an active part in community affairs.

2.______ I get involved in church, school, or social groups.

3.______ I invite people over, or set up times to socialize.

4.______ I go to parties, family, or religious gatherings.

5.______ I prefer to be with people more than be alone.

6.______ I would rather talk than watch TV.

7.______ I am involved in at least one sports activity.

8.______ I get along well with people.

9.______ I get together with old friends.

10.______ I stay active with people.

_________ TOTAL

When you are finished we will go to the next page to determine your percentile score.

This is a very private matter.

Do not talk about your score. Do not ask others.

You may have a lower score than you like.

The lesson is designed to help you learn how to upgrade a low score.

CONVERSION OF RAW SCORES TO PERCENTILES

Find your raw score on the left side of the equal sign below, and the score on the right side of the equal sign will be your percentile score. The percentile is your score in relation to a cross section of the general population. (Raw=%)

1=1st 11=4 21=9 31=50 41=97

2=1st 12=4 22=9 32=55 42=99

3=1st 13=5 23=10 33=60 43=99

4=1st 14=5 24=13 34=60 44=99

5=1st 15=6 25=17 35=70 45=99

6=1st 16=6 26=20 36=75 46=99

7=2nd 17=7 27=25 37=80 47=99

8=2nd 18=7 28=30 38=85 48=99

9=3rd 19=8 29=35 39=90 49=99

10=3rd 20=8 30=40 40=95 50=99

(Example: If your raw score is 35, then your percentile score is 70, which means that only 30 out of 100 persons are more “loving” (initiative-taking nurturing) than you, plus or minus about 5% points.)

A percentile score is where you stand in relation to an average 100 persons. Younger persons in high school and college tend to have about 10% lower percentile scores than older persons. Remember, your score is calculated on the basis of approximately 1800 persons. This is equivalent to many samples done by pollsters that are published in our daily newspapers.

Repeat! No one needs to say what their score is.This is a private matter.This test and percentile scoring has gone through rigorous validity and reliability testing. It is considered highly valid.

REMEMBER YOUR PERCENTILE SCORE.

WE’LL SHOW YOU SOME PREDICTIVE POSSIBILITIES

FOR THE GROUP OF PERSONS WHO HAVE YOUR

PARTICULAR SCORE. GOD’S WORD PROMISES

INCREASED HEALTH BENEFITS FROM FAITH.

THE CHART SHOWS THE LOWEST 20% GROUP OF PERSONS “LOVE/social” SCORES HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL MORE THAN OTHERS. THE HIGHEST “LOVE/social” SCORES (RIGHT PAIR OF COLUMNS) HAD THE LOWEST AMOUNT OF DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL.

There is a statistical correlation between increasing “love” and decreasing “Days in the Hospital.” That may not hold for each individual, but the group of persons with higher “LOVE/social” scores benefitted with fewer Days in the Hospital. (Be careful not to make a single connection between “love” and “hospital.” “LOVE/social is only one of many factors influencing our health and well-being.)

The Bible tells us there is a connection between faith in God and our health. The Psalmist said, “I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance and my God” (Psalm 42:11 and Psalm 43:5 KJ). The Psalmist also revealed, “God be merciful and bless us . . . that thy way may be known upon earth, thy saving health among all nations” (Psalm 67:1, 2 KJ). The statistics demonstrate a connection between health risk of persons in relation to percentile averages of love.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Talk about where illness comes from, and how much our faith and/or lifeskills determine the amount of illness we might have.

Can investigative scientific research really evaluate spiritual phenomenon?

INDWELLING LOVE/social REDUCES ANXIETY.

THE GRAPH SHOWS A SIGNIFICANT REDUCTION IN ANXIETY (pillars, left to right) THAT IS ASSOCIATED WITH A RISE IN THE MATURITY OF A GODLY KIND OF LOVE (The No. 1 Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 — solid area left to right).

There is a 65% reduction in anxiety between the non-loving persons (pillar on the left) and loving persons (the pillar on the right). This means that if a person is much more lovingly related in social interaction with people, that person (right side, highest amount of solid area = high-level-love) will be in a group of persons who have 65% less anxiety in their lives.

When Jesus conversed with Mary and Martha, Martha became disgruntled that here sister was not helping her with food preparation. Jesus answer to Martha was, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion . . .” (Luke 10:41-42 RSV). Feeding one’s soul with divine and human affection is one of the most important things you can. Soul nurture has many good consequences, one of which is reduced anxiety.

If a person improves spirituality, and that translates into higher levels of LOVE/social, anxiety is reduced. God promised that too. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” (I John 4:18) Christianity and science appear to be compatible.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

There has been a lot of debate about whether introversion is healthier, or whether extraversion is healthier. What direction does the Mary and Martha story take us? Should we be more friendly like Mary, or make sure that the food get’s cooked?

FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT NO. 1 IS A GOOD ASSET.

THE GRAPH SHOWS AN ASSOCIATION BETWEEN HIGHER LEVELS OF SPIRITUALLY INSPIRED LOVE AND A REDUCTION IN STRESS AT ONE’S JOB.

On the lower left end of the solid line (Love/Social) people are not very loving or friendly. Follow the line (area) to the upper right. The end of the line represents the average scores of the highest loving/social persons. The pillar on the left represents higher scoring Job Stress for lowest scoring LOVE/social.

The pillar on the right represents the lowest scores of the highest LOVING/social persons. Higher-LOVING/social persons (right shaded area) average 79% less stress at their “Jobs.”

It appears that Job Stress is not necessarily in the job itself, but in the person who is on the job. It is impressive that one’s spiritual affirmation of belief in God through Jesus Christ reduces Job Stress. To gain that benefit a person must have a loving spirit in one’s heart. That loving spirit needs to be at a somewhat higher-than-average level. And the higher one’s level of LOVE in social relations, on the average a person will experience his or her job with less stress.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

How do loving and friendly attitudes lower the stress levels of job stress?

Is love and social really that measurable?

Can the social sciences really come up with conclusions about the merits of highly loving lifestyles?

GODLINESS SAVES US FROM EXCESSIVE STRESS.

THE GRAPH SHOWS A CONNECTION BETWEEN INCREASING LEVELS OF FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT NO. 1 – LOVE/social (bottom shaded area going from left to right) AND THE DECREASING AMOUNT OF STRESS (pillars going left to right.) The top 10 of persons with scores in the highest 10% of “love” averaged 49% less average stress in 58 categories.

A Godly love appears to save a person from a lot of trouble. That is what the word “salvation” means. You are seeing what research says. Now see what God revealed: “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness . . . that through these (faith, virtue, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection with love) you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of passion (evil desire)” (II Peter 1:4-7 RSV).

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

While salvation is generally thought of as something we benefit from when we die, in the light of II Peter 1:4-7, describe how salvation is being saved from a lot of misery in this life too.

The statistics in this discussion guide are offered here to stimulate your desire to glorify God by spiritual growth. A person cannot simply count on increasing one Fruit of the Spirit, and not the others to gain the statistical benefits described here. LOVE/social is one factor of many that combine in the life of a Christian to gain the benefits shown in the charts.

WHEN LOVE REPLACES EARLY HOME COLDNESS,

ARGUING, VIOLENCE AND ABUSE, PEOPLE

GROW UP WITH FEWER ILLNESS INCIDENTS LATER.

THIS GRAPH ENCOURAGES US TO BE LOVING TO OUR CHILDREN, BECAUSE IF WE ARE NOT, THOSE CHILDREN GROW UP HAVING MORE INCIDENTS OF ILLNESS LATER IN LIFE.

On the left one sees a group total of 302 points (referring to parental arguing, coldness, violence and abusiveness) in 30 persons, the most hurting 10%. These 30 persons had suffered 1470 incidents of illness (highest peak on the left). Compare that with the 30 persons on the far right who experienced 165% less past parental negativity, and had 314% fewer incidents of illness.

The Bible speaks about that too. “For the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments” (Exodus 20: 6-7 KJ). That is what the statistical research is also demonstrating.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Describe how you think loving and social behaviors in the home positively influence your child’s future.

Do you think this kind of social science research will help people make a more serious commitment to higher levels of spirituality?

THIS RESEARCH SUPPORTS GOD’S PROMISES.

WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT IN THE GRAPH IS A COMPARISON OF FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT NO. 1 AND NO. 2.

There is a strong association between LOVE, the No. 1 Fruit of the Spirit and JOYFULNESS, the No. 2 Fruit of the Spirit. If a person believes strongly enough in being LOVING to others, that person will also tend to experience a higher level of JOYFULNESS. The statistical results do not indicate that LOVE causes JOYFULNESS, only that No. 1 Fruit of the Spirit is highly associated with the No. 2 Fruit of the Spirit.

There is also a strong correlation between this statistical association and the truth which God has revealed through the Psalmist. “Blessed (benefitted, happy) is the man (person) who trusts the Lord. Yes, happy is the man (person) who delights in doing his commands.” (Psalm 112:1 RSV, LB)

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Think of a merchant marine who spends months on a cargo ship without seeing his family. Think of the loneliness, the pressures, the temptations, the weather, and whatever personal problems that person may face. His or her unhappiness may become a problem. God has promised, and the research statistics confirm, that spirituality is a blessing, especially at higher levels. Joy comes with faith and LOVE.

THE GRAPH SHOWS AN OVERALL RISE IN ALL THE FRUIT(S) OF THE SPIRIT. IF ONE IS HIGHER THAN AVERAGE NEARLY ALL OF THAT PERSON’S FRUIT(S) WILL BE HIGHER.

The Fruit(s) of the Spirit definitely show one common denominator. If a person has a higher score in one of the Fruit(s) of the Spirit, that person has approximately a 90% probability that all that person’s Fruit(s) of the Spirit will be higher. It is extremely rare in the research to find a person with a low score in one Fruit, but higher scores in the others.

This substantiates the idea that spirituality has a fairly complete effect. The whole person is affected by being spiritually committed. God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit do not just clean up one area of a person’s life, but all of a person.

(The above graph is more of a picture than other graphs used in this presentation. This graph illustrates average collective increases. There are slight variations in the statistical data that are not apparent in this graph.”)

THE FRUIT(S) OF THE SPIRIT CAN PREDICT.

This page contains scatter plots of covariant analysis between averages of the Fruit(s) of the Spirit and several other factors. Research can establish some degree of predictability. Some predictability of the outcome of the Fruit(s) of the Spirit is established by the following charts.

Prediction of Depression: The combined averages of the Fruit(s) of the Spirit for 300 persons is processed with the “depression” scores of those persons. The Fruit(s) of the Spirit are entered in the x-axis (horizontal axis of the computerized chart) and the “depression” scores are entered the y-axis (vertical). The computer generates a scatter plot like the one on the right. Look in the upper right area. There is only dot (person) above the 50% level (depression) horizontally and that dot is to the right of the 70th percentile of Fruit(s) of the Spirit. That means that a person only has one (1) probability out of 300 of having above average “depression” which requires clinical treatable. This means that, on the average, higher levels of the Fruit(s) of the Spirit have a very high level of benefits in preventing depression. (Aaron Beck’s level of depression test was correlated and only scores above the 60th percentile have “clinical depression” that needs to be treated).

Self-confidence: The next chart shows a correlation between average Fruit(s) of the Spirit and self-confidence. Look in the upper left section. There are no dots (persons) above the 30th - (horizontal line), and to the left of the 25th (vertical). That translates into this probability: On the average persons have zero probability of having an above-average score in “self-confidence” if those persons have Fruit(s) of the Spirit scores below the 25th percentile. Higher-levels of Fruit(s) of the Spirit deliver higher-levels of self-confidence.

Looking in the upper right area. Persons have a 93% probability of above average (50th percentile) self-confidence if they have scores in Fruit(s) of the Spirit that are higher than the 60th percentile (right of 60th). That is because there are only 6 dots in the defined area below 50 and to the right of 60, and 81 dots above the 50th horizontal line and to the right of 60.

The probability of raising self-confidence without higher love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control, is rather small. The probability of having strong self-confidence is raised by increasing the level of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Leadership: In the upper left area there are only 4 dots above average (50th horizontal) and to the left of 30. That translates into this probability. A person with Fruit(s) of the Spirit below the 26th percentile has a 64% probability of below average leadership qualities. Leadership, in general, is dependent on the values one lives by. One will still find persons with low-level Fruit(s) of the Spirit, still in leadership positions. That generally becomes a problem in the long run. It is unfortunate, but the chart lends support to the idea that the Christian faith is a system that helps a person become a leader.

Allergy diagnosis: Fruit(s) of the Spirit predict probability of allergy seriousness. Out of 300 persons only 17 had scores above 100 (out of 120), indicating sufficiently high symptom levels for the diagnosis of allergies. Five of the 17 in this range had Fruit(s) of the Spirit scores above (to the right of) the 50th percentile. The probability of allergy for persons above the 50th percentile in Fruit(s) of the Spirit is 71% less than for persons averaging below the 50th percentile in Fruit(s) of the Spirit.

Similar probability calculations can be made for numerous other factors in the research being reported here. In each case there is some statistical evidence that supports the promises of God, like this one.

“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children of lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.” Matthew 19:29 RSV

SUMMARY

We have finished demonstrating a scientific evaluation of the benefits of nurturing love, a fruit of the spirit. It should be evident that Christian spirituality is not simply “pie-in-the-sky-by-and-by.” Spirituality produces love or agape (sacrificial love), and that loving behavior bring other benefits.

PREDICTABILITY OF THE FRUIT(S) OF THE SPIRIT

Remember your LOVE “percentile” score. Find the place for that “LOVE” score of yours on the solid line. Your predicted level of life-long depression is just above or below the solid line, on the jagged line. For example, if your “LOVE” percentile score is 45, then your predicted level of “depression” is at 40. You are just a bit above average in “depression” potential, in a range of 27 to 52. Whatever your projected average level of “depression” in coming years, higher levels of “LOVE” and social interaction can help decrease that potential for “depression”.

This chart gives some guidelines about the increasing potential risk of depression among persons who average a lower than average level of “LOVE”. Actually, the research indicates that persons living at the higher levels of “LOVE” have about a 50% reduction in the risk of depression.

The real question for all of us is, “Are we truly pursuing the lifeskills that translate into higher “LOVE”?

What are those skills, those behaviors, those characteristics of higher levels of “LOVE”?

Tell me what you think. We’ll write them down.

BEING ACCOUNTABLE

Do we dare to tell each other what we think we can do this coming week, to show this “LOVE” which we claim God gives us.

If we can’t think of something right now, in front of our friends, would we be willing to come prepared next week, to tell what we actually tried to do to raise our level of “LOVE” the past week?

PREDICTABILITY OF THE FRUIT(S) OF THE SPIRIT

This is another illustration. Persons who average lower levels of “LOVE” (left, solid line) average 50% more “JOB STRESS” (jagged line on left). (Notice the range of JOB STRESS is from a high of 50 to a low of 26). There is a single association between the two, but people who “LOVE” do many different things, which help, or assist in reducing JOB STRESS.

Find your percentile score on the solid line of “LOVE”. The prediction of your lifelong JOB STRESS is just above or below that score. Remember, this is “average”. You may be lucky or unfortunate. You may learn skills that keep your JOB STRESS low. You may suffer some misfortunes that produce JOB STRESS which is out of your control. But on the average, about 3/4ths of persons will experience some JOB STRESS consequences for a lifestyle that is not very loving.

The purpose of this exercise is to embolden each of us to claim the promises of God, for blessings and benefits which are available.

DISCUSSION

It would be so much less discomforting to just talk about the faith of our heros, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Elijah, Elisha, Peter, Andrew, James, John, Jesus, Saul/Paul .... and all persons “out there”. – Who is the most LOVING person you know. Tell us about that person.

INTERPRETATION OF BENEFITS

You have taken Segment No. 1 of the Christian Personality Profile by Darrell Franken, Ph.D. This profile inventory resulted in showing a statistical correlation between the 9 Fruit(s) of the Spirit and a number of the 342 personality factors (many synonyms) from 39 major published personality profiles.

This set of questions on “love/social” does not measure spirituality. The questions only measure behaviors that result from spirituality. Many persons are fortunate or blessed to have been brought up in a Christian home where they learned many positive loving and social behaviors. Some were not so lucky. Their scores may be lower. Some persons may have lower scores because of certain handicaps or limitations. A person can be strongly spiritual without having translated that strong faith into practical loving and social behaviors. We encourage you to keep working on it because there are many benefits that accumulate when people have higher-levels of love and social interaction.

The ideal percentile score is in the higher ranges above the 66th percentile. Most of the statistically high health and well-being benefits go to people who are above this level. Scores in the 40th to 60th percentile range are OK, but the statistics show that health, success and well-being benefits are not very noticeable in this range.

Persons with scores below the 30th percentile will need to grow spiritually in order to enjoy some of the benefits shown in this presentation. Lower scores in the Fruit(s) of the Spirit are associated with a number of harmful lifestyle behaviors.

THIS IS THE PROMISE

Jesus said, “Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters, or father or mother, or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.” Matthew 19:29

As you go through these study sessions you will see many promises like this one. They are sometimes hard to believe. Yet, by the time you reach the end of this study session you will have a picture of the enormous numbers and percentages of benefits that come to people who adopt God’s optimum lifeskills.

PART 2.

THIS PRESENTATION WILL NOW SHIFT AWAY FROM TELLING YOU ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES OF LOW-LEVEL LOVE. WE WILL BEGIN TO SHOW YOU SOME NEW ATTITUDES AND SKILLS TO UPGRADE ONE’S LOVE AND SOCIAL BEHAVIORS.

A. When the soul – the psyche – is bent inward, sinful

It is a soul (psyche) without Agape.

It is narcissism, bent inward, to self

B. Sometimes a bent soul (psyche) can only be straightened when heated by tragedy.

Pain as a consequence of narcissistic pursuits

Sorrow from a loss of something precious

Depression over disappointment or guilt

C. Giving the soul (psyche) permission to have control

Telling impulses to leave and not bother

Riding herd on your body’s addictions

Reclaiming one’s Spirit of self discipline

Getting rid of irrational beliefs

D. Allowing the soul (psyche) to be turned around

Remorse over the mess we make

Confession of personal weakness or failure

Admitting the need for help

Restructuring our goals, our values, our behaviors

TO UPGRADE LOW-LEVEL LOVE

THE SOUL MUST BE FED.

TOTAL NOURISHMENT is needed in all systems.

The BODY needs food. Without food the body dies.

The MIND needs education or we function poorly.

The SPIRIT/VALUE system needs input from the spirit of God for its growth.

The PSYCHE (SOUL) also needs to be fed. It needs LOVE. That is why it is so important. You get it from contact with God and Christian faith and Christian friends.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

How much love did you receive as a child, and how has that affected your self-esteem, your emotional strength and your power to be assertive?

If you showed more loving behaviors to people, do you believe you could get promoted faster, earn a higher salary than others after a while, or have better health?

TO UPGRADE LOW-LEVEL LOVE, DO NOT FEED THE SOUL THE WRONG FOOD.

PEOPLE CRAVE WARM FUZZIES AND POSITIVE STROKES AS FOOD FOR THEIR SOUL. BUT THERE ARE SOME SOUL FOOD CHOICES THAT ARE VERY TOXIC.

You can get Warm Fuzzies or Aahhhhaa! Feelings from almost anything. But the greatest blessing or benefit comes from “loving” others. Love from God, friends and social interaction is the best nourishment for a person.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Read this, “Abstain from fleshly lusts that war against the soul” (I Peter 2:11). With the media seldom focusing on spiritual values, how difficult or easy is it for you to keep a higher focus on giving the proper attention to feeding your SOUL the right thing?

TO UPGRADE LOW-LEVEL LOVE, DEEP PAST ANGER NEEDS TO BE RESOLVED.

Angry and aggression filled persons generally need to cut the cycle of being negative to both oneself and to others. The graphic figure above shows a very weakened ego structure because of holding on to a lot of hurts and hostile thoughts.

In 1996 Theodore Kaczynski was arrested in his small shack in Montana. Kaczynski was charged with being the “Unabomber” who sent mail bombs to more than a dozen high profile professors. His mother and brother read his “manifesto” and suspected the writer might be their son/brother. They informed the police. In Kaczynski’s shack the FBI found an enormous amount of evidence that he was the person. The Unabomber Manifesto is long, probably 100 large-type pages. It is a quite well organized treatise, and it is filled with hostile feelings. It is a manual of personal hate, possibly stemming from painful employment experiences. Kaczynski confessed to the crime in 1998. He is symbolic of thousands of persons who are hurt, sickened, and finally destroyed by multiple factors including suppressed anger and lack of Positive Strokes and Warm Fuzzies. Persons who can’t or won’t forgive do not neutralize the negative effect of human nature’s tendency toward holding grudges and not planting enough love and happiness in the lives of others to get a crop of positive affirmations from others in return. People need positive personal relations. They need the Positive Strokes of good personal relations. They feed the soul and prevent a tendency toward the ultimate insanity of excessive narcissism.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Are you straddling the fence?

Figure out your hurts and hates.

Then confess and find forgiveness. Be released to LOVE.

TRANSCENDING SELF-DEFEATISM

There are persons who do not even realize how badly inner suppressed anger is affecting them. It is statistically true that many persons who act out their aggression do not have the kind of love they need. There are benefits to resolved anger. “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing . . . so that you may inherit a blessing.” I Peter 3:9 NIV

In part of the research for this study/discussion guide, 40 jail inmates answered the 896 questions of the survey. Half of the inmates were in the lower one-third of LOVE/social. Sixteen had “cold” or “unexpressive” parents. Twenty four had “violent” parents. Eighteen had “abusive” parents. Sixteen had “divorced” parents.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

If LOVE/social is on the 100 mark, and narcissistic self-interest is on the other end of the line, where are you in between those?

UPGRADING LOW-LEVEL LOVE IS LIKE UPGRADING POWER TO THE COMPUTER.

The psyche is like an emotional computer right in the middle of my being. Like a computer, my heart (roughly equivalent to psyche) needs an upgrade to function at optimum levels, with optimum power. The more power (love) it receives the better it works. In the 1970's the Transactional Analysis (TA) model of Eric, M.D . gave rise to a couple of terms that suggested the same thing. Christian Human Relations consultants Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward wrote the books Born to Love and Born to Win. They developed a Christian approach to the use of Transactional Analysis. One of the phrases that was used very much then was POSITIVE STROKES. Christian Counselors like James and Jongeward also used the concept of WARM FUZZIES to describe what the soul (psyche) needed in order to be healthy. The two concepts are still known and used by many counselors, including Christian counselors.

The Holy Spirit is the source of renewal in the soul of a person. When a person accepts a new upgrade (conversion), its like agreeing to let God put an upgraded computer chip into the core of your being. The new upgrade adds speed and features that the old chip did not have. God is larger than a humanly conceived computer chip. His presence in the human soul is the “mother of all upgrades.” This research report tells you about the giant benefits of using this great upgrade.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

How many Positive Strokes and Warm Fuzzies do you give to people in the course of a day, and what are they? Where do you get most of your Positive Strokes. Does your job give you Positive Strokes? Does your family or friends give you Positive Strokes? Do you get most of your Warm Fuzzies and Positive strokes from some immoral, unethical, unkind, or addictive practice?

TO UPGRADE LOW-LEVEL LOVE, PUT THE SOUL BACK IN CONTROL.

THE PSYCHE HAS 3 PARTS.

CONVERSION OCCURS DEEP WITHIN THE CORE OF THE PSYCHE.

The SUPEREGO is a storehouse of all that we “ought” to do. — The ID is the storehouse of messages of what we “want” to do. — The EGO (core of the psyche) is in the middle. This is close to a representation of the heart or the soul.

To upgrade a low-level LOVE / SOCIAL score you need a large measure of Positive Strokes and Warm Fuzzies. No one is going to give them to you for free , only God. God loves you.

Your Ego (soul) needs to be fed. “My soul thirsts for the living God. . . He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness.” Psalm 42:2 and Psalm 107:9 KJ . “He who keeps the commandments keeps his own life (soul).” Proverbs 19:16 RSV

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Talk about where you might go to get your soul filled, so you have enough soul-power to climb out of poverty and misery.

TO UPGRADE LOW-LEVEL LOVE, LET GOD GUIDE YOU AS TO WHAT IS A BALANCED SYSTEM.

This is a representation of a whole person, with all six dimensions fairly well integrated and balanced. If one part of me is fed more than another, or indulged too much, I may be in trouble. Balance is generally better, but not totally possible. Each person is unique, because there are variations in the size and strength of each component. God created us to be unique persons. The above six dimensions may vary in size in different individuals. The problem is that we sometimes fail to nourish the most important dimension, the soul that is in the center. The soul is from God. It is more divine than animal. When fed properly the soul will deliver benefits. The soul is the heart of our spirituality. Fruit(s) of the Spirit emerge from the spirituality of the soul. Fruit(s) direct and control human behavior. That is where the benefits come from.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Look at the figure. Why can’t we stay balanced? Why does BODY sometimes make excessive demands? Why can’t the MIND tell the “ID” (want system) to lay down and quit running our lives? There is a core problem that needs to be upgraded.

“If I give away all that I have and deliver my body to be

burned, but have not LOVE, I am nothing. I Corinthians 13

TO UPGRADE LOW-LEVEL LOVE WE NEED

TO SEE OURSELVES SUPERIOR TO ANIMALS.

FOR EXAMPLE: Here is what an animal is made like. The animal has no soul, and very little understanding of any moral “oughts” (Super Ego). Animals are heavily motivated by their appetite, their “ID” -- their “I want” system. Some animals can be taught to tame their “ID” easier than some people can be tamed. Some animals and some people never learn to live by LOVE. They only take advantage of others. They survive at the expense of others.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Think, talk about, or write about selfishness and how conversion upgrades animal-like behavior to more human behavior.

“Be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will learn from your own experience how His ways will really satisfy you.” Romans 12:2 KJ + LB.

TO UPGRADE LOW-LEVEL LOVE, BE INFORMED

ABOUT WHAT PART OF YOU NEEDS RESIZING.

Certain behaviors prevent higher-level spirituality. Excess alcohol, improper drugs, addictive and illicit sex, excessive food, and obsessive pleasures in general are basic drives that need to be downgraded. Excesses can destroy a person if they are allowed to get out of control. In this research, persons who said they averaged “one-or-more alcohol drinks per day” averaged 25% lower in the 9 Fruit(s) of the Spirit. This is associated with an average of 25% more stress in 58 stress factors identified in the research.

For hundreds of years Christian monastic orders around the world have been helping persons get their lives back under control. People needed spiritual help to regain control over biological and personal processes. The orders took people in. Some needed treatment for anxiety or depression. Some needed shelter from abuse and neglect. Others needed support after deep losses. People benefitted from the love and care of others, the mutual support and monastic structure. They needed the love of Christ, mediated by the staff. That LOVE had therapeutic power.

Research says what God says, “Godliness is profitable (has value) for all things promised, for the present life and the life to come.” I Timothy 4:8 RSV, KJ. Both scientifically researched truth and God’s truth agree.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Is anyone in this group willing to tell about their victory over some substitute for Warm Fuzzies that was different than love in a divine and human relationship?

NEGLECTING FEEDING THE SOUL IS

DETRIMENTAL TO A BALANCED SYSTEM.

We probably all wish we were smarter. But if we feed our intelligence and don’t connect with nourishment from Divine and human love, we are headed for some potential imbalance. When any part of our being is bigger than our spiritual life, we are probably going to appear slightly weird. The personality scientists help people every day to get unhooked from some obsession, some fear, some anxiety, some substance abuse, some this-that-and-more.

Michigan and some other states have passed legislation that gives communities the right to select and teach basic lifestyle values. In the Zeeland, Michigan school district a group of citizens representing the community did this. They selected 35 values which the teachers were permitted to promote. They are not referred to as “spiritual” values, even though many values in the list are also considered spiritual values. They are spiritual values in the sense they are universal values.

The values we believe in determine peoples’ destiny. This is what God says about OPTIMUM LIFESKILLS. They pay off.

“Everyone who has left houses, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or children, or lands for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.” Matthew 19:29 RSV

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

The above verse suggests that allegiance to Divinely ordained OPTIMUM LIFESKILLS are superior to almost anything. How many friends will you lose if you decide to become more spiritually loving? How can we bring this information to people outside the church?

THE PROBLEM THAT NEEDS UPGRADING IS SELF-CENTERED BEHAVIOR THAT IS ALSO CALLED NARCISSISM.

The figure shows a person almost completely self-centered, and self-conscious. Conversion turns your psyche around. Instead of seeking pleasure, one gives pleasure.

Excessive self-centeredness, or narcissism, is a condition of the psyche in which the PSYCHE reaches out to draw nearly all pleasure to itself. Narcissism ranges from aggressive selfish self-gratification, to passive and non-self-gratifying withdrawal into all the recesses of inner fear and emotional disturbance.

Prior to his conversion, the Apostle Paul was quite narcissistic. Paul obtained his greatest pleasure from his self-satisfaction with those who loved their traditions more than the people they served. Paul became convinced that he was the best of his kind and had a superior view that the Sadducees rejected (Acts 23).

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Some persons have a deep dread of conversion. They feel it is giving up some of their freedom. What is wrong with that view?

CONVERSION, BELIEF AND COMMITMENT

IS THE FASTEST AND MOST PERMANENT

WAY TO GREATER WELL-BEING.

The figure above is a picture of getting one’s life turned around. Christians call it conversion. Some will use the phrase, “Accept Jesus Christ as your savior.” That is marvelous. Some think the best way is to walk down the aisle at a Billy Graham crusade or a Promise Keepers rally. That is marvelous. Countless others simply come to “the-end-of-the-rope” at home and the change takes place there. Call it what you want, or let it happen when you want. But it’s not “conversion” if a person doesn’t become more LOVING. That is the No. 1 Fruit of the Spirit.

When the spirit of Jesus comes to live in the human heart, that SPIRIT helps us break the cycle of narcissism. Jesus is God’s AGAPE-type LOVE. It is not a selfish love, not a narcissistic love. God’s love is AGAPE, sacrificial and caring for others.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Spend some time thinking, talking or writing about the word “conversion.”

Does it have a bad reputation?

Is the idea of conversion dreaded by people?

What is actually very practical about “conversion?”

Does the thought of conversion turn people off?

WITH GOD,

(1) PEOPLE RISE ABOVE NARCISSISM,

(2) THEY UPGRADE THE PROBLEM,

(3)THEY GET THE BENEFITS OF HIGHER LOVE.

EVERYONE HAS SOME OBSTACLE(S) IN LIFE.

“I had many obstacles in my life.”

“I felt deprived of Positive Strokes and bombarded by Negative Strokes.”

“I felt shy.”

“I felt low self-esteem.”

“I felt rather worthless.”

“I was jealous of others’ popularity.”

“I withdrew.”

NO ONE HAS GROWN FULLY INTO A PERFECT SPIRITUAL BEING.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Spend some time talking about overcoming.

“Thanks be to God who always causes us to triumph in Christ.” II Cor 2:14

PEOPLE CANNOT UPGRADE SOCIAL INTROVERSION WITHOUT A CHANGE IN THE SOUL’S DIRECTION.

This one major shift in one’s belief system can save us from a lot of misery. When we love we are more harmony with the God’s model behavior, and that will make things run much smoother.

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

How does conversion produce more altruism and upgrade narcissistic social introversion? (The answers are in the previous pages.)

“A person all wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.” Author unknown

THERE IS A PAY-BACK, A POSITIVE OUTCOME,

TO THE PERSON WHO LIVES SPIRITUALLY,

GROWS IN THE FRUIT(S) OF THE SPIRIT.

On the left are the Fruit(s) of the Spirit. On the right are problems. Research shows that higher levels of love are healthier. When you get switched around from pleasing self, to pleasing others, you eliminate a lot of problem-causing behavior.

GOD’S OPTIMUM LIFESKILLS GENERATE LONGEVITY.

“If you will walk in my ways and keep my statues and my commandments . . then I will lengthen your days.” I Kings 3:14 KJ

“The fear of the Lord prolongeth days.” Proverbs 4:10 KJ

“Honor thy father and thy mother that thy days shall be long in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Ephesians 6:2,3 KJ

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

Discuss whether the promise of increased longevity or length of life motivates a person to be faithful to Jesus Christ as the source of optimum lifeskills?

UPGRADING LOW-LEVEL LOVE/SOCIAL PRODUCES BENEFITS.

In all graphs of the early part of this session, you saw comparisons between the top one-third scores in LOVE/SOCIAL and the bottom one third.

Now look at a comparison between the top 10% scores in LOVE/SOCIAL and the lowest 10% of the scores.

HIGHEST SCORING 10% OF LOVE/SOCIAL WERE:

58.4% more joyful (Fruit of the Spirit No. 2)

42.0% more peaceful (Fruit of the Spirit No. 3)

43.7% more patient (Fruit of the Spirit No. 4)

22.4% more kind (Fruit of the Spirit No. 5

36.2% more good/character (Fruit of the Spirit No. 6)

45.5% more faithful (believing/trusting) (Fruit of the Spirit No. 7)

40.7% more gentle (Fruit of the Spirit No. 8)

30.2% more self-controlled (Fruit of the Spirit No. 9)

54.0% more confidence

57.1% more communicative

43.1% more leadership oriented

43.4% more autonomous (sense of being free)

20.3% more giving

29.8% more caring

46.6% more filled with ego strength (to finish tasks)

50.9% more influential

41.5% more fun-loving

52.7% more expressive

27.3% higher in their level of socialization

13.1% higher in their scores in optimum universal values

41.5% higher in their level of exercise for fitness

14.6% higher in their level of ability to relax

19.4% higher in their level of assertiveness

THE HIGHEST 10% OF LOVE/SOCIAL SCORES HAD:

54.0% less dominance

94.0% less explosiveness

51.8% less self indulgence

88.1% less rebelliousness

49.7% lower stress in 43 factors of the Holmes and Rahe stress test

72.0% fewer symptoms of stress

65.6% less anxiety

90.0% fewer symptoms of depression

14.0% less marriage stress

24.9% fewer symptoms of suppression of negative feelings

78.9% less job stress

64.2% less financial stress

315.0% fewer symptoms of the stress of alcohol consumption

559.0% fewer symptoms of stress from smoking

1.7% less stress from poor nutrition

44.6% less fewer symptoms of stress from excessive sweets

81.6% fewer and less intense symptoms of allergy

62.8% less stress from caring for someone

DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

“For, although they knew God, they did not honor him as God . . . Claiming to be wise they became fools . . . Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator.” Romans 1:21-25 RSV

WE HAVE A CHOICE. “Those who love thee (God) shall prosper.” Psalm 122:6 Describe how you think that works out in a practical way.

PERSECUTION AND PAIN INSTEAD OF BENEFITS

The Christian faith is not a shield against difficulty. It is not a faith that always guarantees benefits in a world filled with the sins of injustice, selfish greed and natural disasters. “But God is faithful. He will not allow you to be troubled beyond what you are able to bear, but with every trouble (temptation) he will provide a way of escape” I Corinthians 1:13 RSV.

Faith that does not look for benefits

Christians in general do not make commitments to Christianity because of the benefits. They make their commitment on the basis of a deeper passion to join others in making this a better world to live in. Faith in God, at its highest level, is a commitment. It is a commitment to live and promote higher-level values. The best faith comes out of the least self-centered mentality.

Benefits versus natural disaster

Quite possibly, every Biblical promise of material “blessing” and “benefit” from being a follower of Jesus Christ could be wiped out in a moment. A tornado could erase the balance sheet of one’s finances. If one’s motive is to glorify God more than monetary benefits, then natural disasters don’t take away faith. It increases faith, a faith that claims God’s strength to rise above disaster. Whatever promises God made about prosperity from faith, now shift when disaster strikes. The Christian shifts to claim other promises of God. The Christian faith offers more benefits than health and/or money.

Benefits versus the injustice of sinful people

History tells us that Christians are often persecuted. Kings and generals have killed people and conquered nations for centuries. The victims are sometimes Christians. Some of these kings and generals have hated Christians. Persecution has been widespread and continues. One cannot count “benefits” in times like this. Not unless one has a larger view. That larger view understands that they, like Jesus, suffer, even die, but pain like Jesus’ pain and their pain contributes to the redemption of mankind.

The covenant community

Once you are a Christian, you are part of a covenant community. God has promised “eternal life” to the faithful. Ultimately, there is a big reward, eternal life. That reward goes to the covenant community that lives out Christ’s mission. The reward goes to those who are steadfast in the face of all the suffering in this life.

LOVE VERSUS NARCISSISM

POINTS TO PONDER

1. What psychological Positive Stroking value is there to exploring trails in the woods with a friend or the family, over against exploring the cable network program guide?

2. If you had an empty credit card, would it be wise to put $1000.00 on it for a Positive Stroking and Warm Fuzzy vacation with your spouse, friend, or family?

3. At your next mealtime with your family, everyone write a positive comment on a piece of paper for each member of your family. Then give them to that person for them to read to themselves.

4. Memorize some of the statistics in this chapter. Add that information to the Bible verses you have memorized.

This lesson is designed to help you become strongly committed to Christ and the Christian faith. We have used biblical persuasion. — We have used scientific research persuasion. — We have used figurative illustrations to persuade you.

Write your response.