LEARNING TO LET YOUR CONSCIENCE BE YOUR GUIDE . . . . . . . ...Ch 3
Chapter 3
CONSCIENCE DEVELOPMENT
IN PLACE OF NEUROTIC DEFENSES
Outline of chapter
Session 3-1 CONSCIENCE: and the LOCUS OF CONTROL
Conscience takes up residence in the Central Command Post
Conscience as the inside cop on patrol (stops you from doing wrong)
Internal Locus of Control is preferable
Loss of internal Locus of Control and shift of conscience (Rotter)
Problems with External Locus of Control
Session 3-2 FORMING NORMS IN CONSCIENCE
Home factor and friends factor in the developing conscience
Inheritance factor in conscience development
Conscience as a motivator for achievement
Guilt and shame messages, as one’s personal coach
Strengthening conscience for upward mobility
Session 3-3 SIDETRACKED BY DEFENSE MECHANISMS
Narcissistic defenses
Immature defenses
Neurotic defenses
Mature defenses
Session 3-4 UPGRADING THE CONSCIENCE
Truth as the key to avoiding neurotic behaviors (Wilson)
Owning and forgiveness needed
Learning for conscience development
Meditation increasing conscience sensitivity
Positive imagery reinforcing conscience
Passionate ethical beliefs internalized to conscience
Mentoring and accountability for upgrading conscience
Session 3-5 CONSCIENCE – WILL POWER – DREAD
Willpower’s dependence on conscience
Dread as procrastination; procrastination as dread
Handling the dreaded prodding of the conscience
Resolving the tension in favor of obedience to the conscience
“The fully mature conscience operates unconsciously; it should facilitate and reward good behavior, thereby raising self-esteem, and should restrain and punish bad behavior, which lowers self-esteem.”
Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry
Alfred M. Freedman, M.D.
Harold I. Kaplan, M.D.
Benjamin J. Sadock, M.D.
Williams & Wilkins, 1975
|
SO YOU WANT TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE?
Your conscience is a strong asset.
SO YOU WANT TO WIN, CLIMB, GET ON TOP?
Your conscience can be your guide and energizer.
Do you want a better life? Want less illness? Concerned about whether you will be a success? Ever thought that your conscience could help you? Do you have enough willpower to squelch a bad habit? Perhaps you never thought about how to climb up a notch to another level of personal fulfillment. Maybe you don’t think it is possible for you! In all your education has anyone ever taught you about what your conscience can do for you? Rarely, do psychologists teach students about the functions of the conscience. The conscience is important for both staying out of trouble, and for pursuit of goals, values and ambitions.
Conscience is a person’s self-judge. It judges between right and wrong for oneself, according to what one believes. It helps a person correct behaviors. It works to motivate a person to do better. The conscience helps a person regulate his or her own behavior in light of his or her own experience, learning, or beliefs and/or inner passions. Conscience makes judgements upon our own thoughts and actions, guiding us by what we have been taught to be right or wrong. That means, conscience keeps a person out of trouble. Conscience triggers the inner psyche with feelings of embarrassment, anxiety, shame and/or guilt when we are influenced by it. When the conscience of a person senses the person is performing according to the person’s goals, then the conscience sends happiness signals. The signal of embarrassment, anxiety and/or guilt keeps a person in line with one’s inner value system. Conscience functions with varying intensities for many different issues. Conscience feels clean (our reward) when we are compliant with our highest human potential. If a person is somewhat passionately moving to his or here optimum potential, that person needs to be able to hear and interpret the messages of a rational and ethically driven conscience.
Session 3-1 CONSCIENCE: and the LOCUS OF CONTROL
Early psychologists believed and taught that the conscience was the voice of the superego. Since then, other persons have identified deeper structures within the ego, as the place where the conscience resides. J. David Velleman, University of Michigan, believes there is a “moral authority” residing in the ego , which comes from being loved by our parents. The conscience, therefore, is in the center of a person, in that area we often call our “heart.” Velleman holds this in cooperation with a view, held by Immanual Kant, that humans are born with a “moral law within.” Velleman understands that what the ego and its conscience does, comes both from learned pattern of responses as well as from the inner inherited structures of the ego.
Respected citizens listen to their own conscience. They listen to the conscience of the community. Respected persons gain their respect by not violating that communal conscience too much. With this view we understand a person’s natural inclination to preserve oneself by, (1) following the “oughts” of society (mental processes), (2) and by listening to the corrective shame-messages of one’s conscience when those cultural “oughts” are ignored. This approach helps a person become respected.
Our not-so-well-respected citizens find another route, which they believe leads to survival without guilt. Instead of No. 1 and No. 2 they go for (3). No. 3 is learning to silence the voice of a critical conscience with such defense mechanisms as denial, blame, rationalization and other defenses against the ravages of inner guilt. This road leads to increased risk of broken relationships, addictions, and self-destructive behaviors. A good many of these are jail inmates, flop-house bums and derelicts of society.
Conscience takes up residence in the Central Command Post
In the diagram, the PSYCHE is pictured as the Central Command Post. It takes messages from BODY, MIND, SPIRIT and from the Ego (“I ought” or “I ought not.”) as well as the Id (“I want.” or “I don’t want.”). This Central Command Post is designed to be influenced by what we see, hear, and learn from people, educators and the media. This Central Command Post can be trained to become sensitive and responsible for a person’s well-being, or for getting a person into trouble. How one’s Central Command Post develops depends on what a person sees, hears, thinks and decides in the depths of his or her psyche (Greek word for soul). As a person grows and matures the Ego, which we call the Central Command Post prioritizes from a wide range of beliefs, virtues, convictions and traits of character. Thomas Green calls this a time of “norm acquisition” (Green, 1999). This conscience lies within the Command Post, or at least functions in that central position. This is a general understanding for the majority of persons even though it may not be sufficiently descriptive from some theoretical perspectives.
Conscience as the inside cop on patrol
YOUR LOCUS OF CONTROL
Evaluate yourself with each of the following. Be prepared to tell someone whether your conscience is functioning by your own personal internal guidelines (conscience), or by external guidelines from family, friends, teachers, culture in each of the following situations.
WHEN YOU ARE,
- studying
- not studying
- speeding, not speeding,
- drinking alcohol
- using drugs
- not using drugs
- doing a kind deed
- volunteering
- worshiping
- obedience to parents
- watching TV
- dancing
- (other)
Conscience functions at the command of ego processes to tell us “Yes” or “No.” At the moment of decision-making the Ego, the central command post, calculates the magnitude of messages coming from Body, Mind and Spirit. This same ego process instantly consults the reservoir of priorities one has. Then it begins to rejoice with “Yes” or feel the emotion of fear or guilt, and squirms with a “No.” The conscience becomes the spokesperson for the rightness or the wrongness of the decision.
What is the key to one's locus of control, the place (locus) or center of decision-making processes (Rotter, 1966)? Ego psychologists of the mid 20th century believed that the ego is the command center, like a chip in a computer. This school of psychology generally holds that the ego handles all the incoming messages and interacts with other components of a person to make decisions. Other psychologists come to this issue with their special orientations. Cognitive psychologists toward the end of the 20th century would more than likely see a combination of mind and values teaming up to influence the decision-making process more strongly than the ego itself. These contributors are not set in conflict with one another. Each perspective is given the freedom to operate with reasonable limits. They agree that ego processes are basically core functions of the psyche.
Internal Locus of Control is preferable
One of the defining questions is, “Do you run most of your life, or do you let other people and other issues run your life?” Persons who are followers spend much of their life having an External Locus of Control. This issue has been studied by researchers. The subjects were asked to pick one of the statements which most agreed with them. If you chose “Promotions are earned through hard work and persistence” you chose an Internal Locus of Control statement. If you chose its partner, “Making a lot of money is largely a matter of getting the right breaks,” then you chose an External Locus of Control statement.
Studies of internal versus external control have been repeated with other subjects and other issues. Persons with Internal Locus of Control have greater adaptive functioning. Internal Locus of Control has been found to predict higher incidence of persons wearing of seat belts, practicing birth control and following medical instructions. Continuing research keeps assuring us that persons with an Internal Locus of Control are better off in a number of ways. Conscience functions best when the Locus of Control is internal.
Loss of Internal Locus of Control and shift of conscience
Physical and mental pain can alter one’s Locus of Control. For example, rejection by a friend is painful. It is so painful that a person can suddenly do something against his or her conscience, just to maintain a friendship. The shift is away from a conscience controlled by one’s own values, to a conscience that is dominated by a friends’s values. The shift from internal to external may not be permanent. The shift from internal to External Locus of Control occurs because a person needs a certain amount of positive emotions to keep the ego strong enough to take control.
During stressful times the person's ego may not be strong enough to take control. Negative emotions are associated with loss of Internal Locus of Control. Lee (1985), of the University of Hong Kong, studied 62 male hand-injury patients. He administered inventories including the locus of control inventory and determined that hand-injury patients were more externally oriented. They had more psychological symptoms, fewer social activities and expressed dissatisfaction more. From a study of 1,814 women William Dougherty (1983) discovered that divorce causes a temporary shift to External Locus of Control, and then a person returns to Internal Locus of Control after many months, comparable to the control group who remained married. Divorce is difficult for children, and the price is an increase of External Locus of Control. These are just samples of the association of negative emotions with less Internal Locus of Control. They partially support the general theme of this section, that emotional pains hurt the optimum functioning of the central decision making equipment, and therefore inner feelings need to be dealt with properly and regularly.
Problems with External Locus of Control
The conscience may have a difficult time sending a clear signal. It may not be able to give us a “Go ahead” because of pressures. It works best when it gives us a clear signal like, “Oh no, I can’t. I’d feel too guilty.” Or the opposite, “Gee, I feel elated that I am doing OK.” We all shift back and forth between claiming what we want (Internal Locus of Control) and deferring to others (External Locus of Control). Sometimes conscience is battered and besieged. It has difficulty deciding a “Yes” or a “No.”
For example: Regie had two friends. Regie had been their friend for years. They had gone all the way through elementary school together. They finished high school and found jobs. One day, one of the friends found a checkbook in the back of a pickup truck in a parking lot of a supermarket. His friends joked about using the checks. The other friend suggested they each write a check for a purchase and some cash. Regie had a strong attack of “conscience” and refused. The friends urged, teased, coaxed and pressured. Regie finally cooperated. They did this in different stores. It worked. Not long after that, Regie and his friends were in the local county jail for 6 months for writing bad checks. That is the kind of trouble which takes place when a fairly good conscience knuckles under to pressure. And sometimes it takes a jail sentence to re-awaken the dulled conscience.
Problems when conscience works from External Locus of Control
Lawrence Siegel and Nora Griffin (1984), of the University of Texas, Galveston, studied 99 children, middle and high school students. They determined that depression was associated with more External Locus of Control. Leena Varkey and K. Sathyavathi (1984), from Bangalore, India, compared schizophrenics and manic-depressives with normal subjects, using a variety of instruments including the measure of Locus of Control. They determined that the schizophrenics and manics were more external in the locus of control.
Agoraphobics, people who develop high amounts of anxiety while shopping or away from the safety of their home, have more External Locus of Control than Internal Locus of Control (van der Molen, 1988). This does not mean that a person with External Locus of Control is suddenly going to become agoraphobic or mentally ill, but External Locus of Control is one of the pieces of the personality puzzle which contributes to the problem. Vander Molen’s research showed that the problem of too much External control exists similarly in other neurotic behaviors such as depression, eating disorders, etc.
Session 3-2 FORMING NORMS IN CONSCIENCE
“Human values are inherently felt and understood by us, making their presence known through conscience and the rationally - discriminating intelligence.” Author unknown
There are some core contributors (or catalysts) to the development of a person’s conscience. Two professors at the University of Iowa (Grazyna Kochanska and Ross A. Thompson (1997) describe the elements of conscious development. (a) early self awareness, (b) social referencing, (c) emerging cognition, (d) memory, (e) sensitivity to standards, (f) temperament. These elements are combined with such relational properties as, (1) secure attachment, (2) mutually responsive parent-child orientation, (3) influence of parent-child discourse (dialogue), (4) parental control and parental discipline practices. Persons with higher scores in these areas generally have a more effective moral and rational conscience.
Charles M Shelton (2000), Regis College, Denver, identifies seven dimensions of the conscience. (1) “Psychic energy” is the fuel which empowers conscience, (2) “Defenses” protect our self-esteem when conscience isn’t working properly, (3) “Empathy” is conscience being socially responsible, (4) “Guilt” is a conscience signal to keep us from getting distracted on our way to our goals, (5) “Idealization “ is the blueprint to guide conscience’s decision. (6) “Self-esteem” is feedback to the conscience to say we are on the right track, (7)”Moral beliefs” are guidelines generally coming out of spiritual, universal, or collective understanding. This is a very practical guide to understanding how conscience works. It is worth remembering, forever.
Home factor in the developing conscience
Imagine growing up in a home where people communicate well. Parents teach children to be truthful, friendly and cooperative. Most of the time family members tell the truth. They keep their words in the calm range which helps generate friendliness. They share the work load and teach their children to cooperate in household duties. During these years the child is learning this style of life. The MIND remembers this. The emotions of the PSYCHE experience calmness. The SPIRIT dimension of the person establishes a fairly strong belief in being calm, truthful, friendly and cooperative. That becomes a sort of norm in the depths of the PSYCHE where the conscience resides. After time, when tempted to shout, the conscience evaluates the potential shouting behavior in light of the beliefs, virtues, convictions and traits of character that has been established. The “shout” or potential “shout” is not in harmony with the previously established “norms” of the conscience. That dis-harmony in the depths of the PSYCHE is the voice of conscience, either preventing the temptation to shout, or causing guilt feelings over the acted-out shout.
Contrast this with a person growing up in a home where communication is accompanied by shouting, denial, blame and rejection feelings. The harshness, and perhaps violence, of the environment forces family members into withdrawal, reducing the amount of friendliness and cooperation. During such a childhood the emotions of the PSYCHE experience hurt and emotional pain. The MIND remembers this. The SPIRIT adopts a belief system that has no experience or learning in norms like kindness, friendliness and cooperation. It adopts a view that one needs to be harsh or violent in order to get what one wants. After a time, when tempted to shout, there is no norm inside the MIND or SPIRIT with which to judge the appropriateness of the shout. There is nothing in the MIND or SPIRIT which tells the conscience to send any embarrassment signal, any anxiety signal, any guilt signal.
In the comparison between these two stories we can see how some persons develop behaviors that get themselves into trouble. Some persons have a conscience that was dulled, de-sensitized, even deadened by a combination of factors, one of which is the childhood environment.
Friends factor in the developing conscience
“Let me get to know your friends and I can tell you how well your conscience is functioning.”
How much our conscience kicks up an inner fuss over being dishonest or immoral may be influenced by the friends we have. How much embarrassment we feel by telling a lie may be related to how our friends treat us after we have told a lie. The conscience is not always controlled by the moral teaching of a parent, a teacher, a police person, or one’s religion. Friends have some influence. We call it Peer Pressure sometimes. Conscience signals that produce guilt can be adjusted to higher levels of honesty or lower levels of honesty by friends. The conscience can also fluctuate in sensitivity according to which friends a person may be with. It is possible for a person to be honest around honest persons and dishonest around dishonest persons. Such a person does not have a conscience anchored to universally accepted higher ideals. Their conscience floats to whatever level is convenient or to their advantage. Such a conscience is not what we would call “internalized.” Its external, taking its cues from whatever level of dull-to-sharp conscience of the friends.
Inheritance factor in developing conscience
When a person’s conscience has not been taught to function by conformity to moral codes, ethical practices and laws of respectful living, then the conscience remains functional only at the lower level of narcissistic, immature, neurotic and problematic Defense Mechanisms.
The most commonly held view is that people are born “neutral.” That means that a person’s conscience equipment is delivered at birth, like a ready-made psychological computer hard drive that can load new information and go one way or the other. Whether the conscience finally brings forth a person of “character” or a person who tends to self-destruct from problems (or makes others self-destruct), depends on the input. People become saints and criminals in this world. The direction one goes depends a lot on the effectiveness of the conscience, and what training and experience went into the formation of that conscience.
Internal Locus of Control helps prevent depression. A study of the stress and depression levels of 140 mothers of retarded children showed that the “subjects with a more Internal Locus of Control reported less depression than other mothers (control group).” Friedrich, Cohen, & Wilturner, Mayo Clinic, 1988 Children's Health Care, (Psychological Abstracts)
|
There is evidence that the temperament of a child contributes to the way in which conscience develops (Kochanska and Thompson, 1997). Some children are born with a more active and even aggressive personality traits. Other children exhibit milder traits. It is still difficult to determine how much of those traits are genetically determined versus environmentally determined. A strongly dominating child tends to develop a less severe conscience about going after what the child wants. This person could easily squelch some conscience signals, and have less conscience about hurting someone in that pursuit. A more cooperating personality would generally have a higher level of conscience. This higher level of conscience would guard against negatively affecting another person. Their conscience would be sending warning signals to curb any offensive behaviors.
Other factors in the development and function of conscience
Each person’s conscience grows from many influences; teachers, heros we know, persons we copy, religious leaders, reading stories, studying literature, the media, music, understanding history. All contribute to the internalizing of one’s values and/or beliefs. Many factors shape the type of conscience and the sensitivity of it. Perhaps, more significantly, the group we are in most of the time will heavily shape the level of conscience activity we have.
John Wilson says,
“Shame . . . leads me directly to fulfil or live up to my internalized picture, to present myself positively to other people in whatever way most gratifies them. I try not to avoid wrongdoing or disgrace, but actually to be and to appear as kind or beautiful or generous or amusing, or whatever contribution of myself I can make to other people.”
|
Conscience as a motivator for achievement
Conscience keeps people in line. But conscience also guides one to success. A person can be assured that one’s conscience is a helpful source of motivation for achievement. Conscience needs to be listened to. It gives signals when we go off course from our goals, our principles and our values. It tells us when we are going wrong or doing wrong so that we may make learn from our mistakes. As indicated before conscience activates feelings of “shame” and “ guilt” to call attention to how far off course we are, in relation to our goals and/or values.
John Wilson, writing in the Journal of Moral Education (March, 2001) wants people to understand some differences between “shame” and “guilt.” Suppose a person becomes engaged. That is a noble act with major positive consequences. The person thus commits to a value system which will preserve that relationship. No flirting. No affairs. Honesty. Openness. Truth. Sharing. Etc. If such a person becomes tempted to break the rules governing engagements, there will be certain fears of potential “shame” if the rules are broken. Thus, fear of “shame” becomes a reinforcer, a motivator, for preserving the engagement. This would be true if the person had a positive conscience.
Goals and objectives are important. They are the pictures of our future. Goals and objectives come out of our experiences, our sense of what one needs or what society needs from oneself. I may have my own goal or objective deeply internalized. Such goals help motivate me. The shame that my conscience generates helps me pursue those goals and dreams. Conscience-shame issues a “shame” message when we get off course, or loose sight of the objective. It’s that “Dumb me!” little voice which helps put me back on the track I have originally chosen.
Hear it from John Wilson.
“Guilt is at least more conceptually connected with doing something wrong. We make mistakes and do wrong things, clearly we need to be alerted to this and motivated to put them right (by apologizing and making restitution) and to avoid doing such things in the future. Provided we are clear that the things are really wrong and provided we translate our guilt into some kind of action designed to make things better, guilt seem both desirable and inevitable.”
|
A “guilt” message from the conscience is another motivator, or reinforcer. It is deeper and generally more reality based. Unlike “shame” this thing called “guilt” deals more with what is right and what is wrong. Conscience-guilt is good for a person. It corrects. It is designed to produce something good. Without guilt people would be more like animals. There would be anarchy, everyone living by his own rule of self-indulgence. Relationships would deteriorate and cease after time. Human slaughter would be as vicious as one sees in the world of predatory animals. Conscience-guilt is more punitive than conscience-shame. Conscience-guilt speaks louder and curbs behaviors that violates laws and the moral-ethical order.
Conscience: motivation for positive maturity
Conscience pangs, prick, prods and/or pokes often hit our inner psychic emotional system with different levels of force. John Wilson indicates that “regret” may be a milder form. “I may feel cross with myself.” he says, “or disappointed with myself.” These signals may be sufficient to help a person do some personal evaluation. One might change something as a result. Shame and guilt also have levels of intensity.
A high level of expectation and a low level of performance will generate a stronger signal, due to the gap, the discrepancy, between them. The fear of the sharp signal from the conscience for poor performance acts as a motivator. Unfortunately, some people lower their performance expectation so when they don’t perform well, they don’t feel as “shameful” or as “guilty.” Some persons fear attempting things like sports, or music, or joining school clubs. They fear they will not perform adequately. They quiet or silence the conscience by avoiding.
Guilt and shame as one’s ally, one’s friend, one’s personal coach
Conscience is the guardian of moral and ethical behavior.
Enjoy some self-generated “shame”! Don’t be afraid of some “guilt”! Learn! Laugh at self! Thank your buddies (conscience & shame) for teaching you a lesson. Your conscience is working to make you a better person.
Conscience keeps higher-value people on the road to increased health, happiness, success and well-being.
Nancy was tired of poverty. Her father was an alcoholic. He spent enough money on alcohol in his lifetime that he could have been a millionaire. Nancy knew that. She felt ashamed. She calculated the cost of her father’s drinking and smoking. Together, the money invested in government bonds, would have produced that million dollars. Nancy vowed she’d not live like that. During high school years she worked and saved money. She spent every moment she could studying. She did well, not superior. She proved to the college that she could make it. She received a partial scholarship.
During the years there were temptations. Go here, which costs money. Do this which costs money. Nancy always felt guilty about spending that money. Her inner hostility at what she experienced at home, contrasted with the goal she had set for herself, made her feel guilty. Nancy had fear she’d not get out of her father’s pit, or reach her own goal. Her fear, her shame and moments of guilt kept her conscience working, sending signals. Her conscience wouldn’t let her self-indulge. Her conscience kept her on the path she had chosen. Nancy won. She graduated from college, sober, out of the pit of despair and gloom.
Shame, fear and guilt were her allies, along with some faith, hope and love. She depended on higher spiritual values and they delivered her from the fate she faced.
Strengthening Conscience for upward mobility
Suppose you are in jail, perhaps even for a repeated violation. You truly want to change. The jail officials and the entire judicial system wants you to change. Your conscience may need to be sharpened or sensitized in order for any change to take place. Suppose you want to go to college, start a business, climb up to management. You’ll need higher values. The chart below will help a person see the role of conscience in one’s upward mobility. Start with No. 1. Follow it to the right and read all 1's before going to 2's.
BODY MESSAGES
(Appetites)
(Self-preservation signals)
(Temptations!)
(Pressures!)
1. “I’m shopping. I see a new music CD.”
2. “A friend asked me to go drinking with him.”
3. (No message)
4. (No message)
5. (Temptation - - - - - - -
sexual attraction)
MIND MESSAGES
(What we’ve been taught)
(What we remember)
(It may be conscious.)
(It may be unconscious.)
1. “My mind tells me this would be great to own.”
2. “I have memories of doing this many times, and we had fun.”
3. “Everyone’s watching the No. 1 hit TV show tonight. At work people will talk about it. I should watch.”
4. “I’d love to call in sick and sleep in this morning.”
5. “I love this feeling. Wouldn’t it be enjoyable!” (fantasy)
STRONGER VALUES and
STRONGER CONSCIENCE
(What we value)
(What we believe in)
(What is important to us)
1. “I have a high priority value in saving money for a house down payment.”
2. “I have made a personal commitment to spend more time with my family which I value more than drinking.”
3. “I value the importance of being more informed so I am going to read (whatever). . .”
4. “I value my reputation for being a responsible person.”
5. “I value having people think of me as a person with character, so I will change my view.”
BETTER COMMAND POST
CONSCIENCE
(How conscience functions within the domain of the Command Post.)
1. This person did not buy. The Central Command Post has an easier decision due to the intense passion for a house.
2. This person did not go. The Central Command Post will not allow the low-valued behavior to control the high-valued behavior.
3. This person reads. . . (The Central Command Post reduces the small self-imposed guilt over watching this program.)
4. This person goes to work. (The Central Command Post has a reason to send major signals of possible embarrassment and guilt, to keep the “dependable reputation.”)
5. This person looks the other way. (The Central Command Post may have some struggle , but chances are the conscience will be strong enough to send enough prohibitions, which will be heard. Maybe not!)
The person who adopts some higher values, will stand a much greater chance of success in prevention, rehabilitation and optimum living. That is partly because the conscience has a strong and valid reason to raise strong signals which send people (perhaps by fear of guilt) to meet their expectations of themselves. The opposite of this is that the person with low values and low expectations also has lowered conscience guilt. They do this by using defense mechanisms of denial, blame, rationalization, etc. The person who performs well with a strong value system and a strong conscience, ends up with a clearer conscience. The opposite winds up with a dulled conscience and much less to show for the effort.
Session 3-3 SIDETRACKED BY DEFENSE MECHANISMS
Session 3-3 SIDETRACKED BY DEFENSE MECHANISMS
A person’s conscience (within the psyche) will fight for its survival against the ravages of shame and guilt, anxiety and fear. Defense Mechanisms are automatic, unless overridden by a greater passion for truth, objectivity and rationality. You inherited some of them to some degree. A person can quickly activate certain defense mechanisms that squelch the arousal of fears, anxiety, embarrassments and guilt. For example, ask two brothers, age 3 and 4, “Who broke the window?” If fear of harsh punishment is in their minds, both with point to each other and say, “He did it!” That is blame. Blame is a Defense Mechanism. Its purpose is to eliminate punishment, but also it prevents guilt signals from the conscience. If these brothers are taught that confession softens punishment, they might confess. If they know that they won’t get spanked if they tell the truth, then conscience will win over blaming.
Another example; An older person makes a critical comment about you. You go to this person and ask, “What did you mean by (-----)?” The response you receive is, “I didn’t say that. I said (-----).” Presuming that the transmission of the message was accurate in the first place, we sense that the older adult is using “denial” to prevent experiencing embarrassment and guilt. “Denial” prevents the conscience from being activated. That way the person does not experience guilt. Growth in character is inhibited, and eventually blocked. Problems repeat and grow in size. When a person “denies,” that person seldom learns much from making mistakes. Without conscience being activated this person might go on and have a continued feeling of well-being, but become the laughing stock for others.
Conscience continually functions in a matrix of personal values, beliefs, behaviors, genetic influences, and all kinds of expectations from ourselves, our families, our friends and our enemies. That matrix out of which the conscience works also is subject to what happens in our community and what is news for the media. There are even some unwritten cultural norms that the conscience needs to be attuned to. Out of that comes messages from the conscience. We’ll feel fear, shame, guilt, approval, applause in all their intensities. These messages will dull our consciences at times. These expectations from others around us may even help us to find acceptance and love, so important to our well-being.
In the sidebar you can see a list of Defense Mechanisms. This has become the most complete list officially recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. As you learn about these defense mechanisms, you may see yourself at times, doing one or more of them, at some minimal, or even moderate way. Use the following information to help yourself learn about the great benefits of living by the guidelines which come from a clear and responsive conscience. On the following pages are definitions and explanations of Defense Mechanisms.
1. Denial is a person's defense against the threat of, or actual experience of painful emotions such as loss, shame, guilt and such things as reduced self-esteem, unless the person has learned to own up, disclose, confess, and/or handle the threat or pain in some other way. For example, a person denies when s/he says, “Not me!” (when it is), “I did not say that.” (when the person did, “That's not true!” (when it is), “That's impossible!” (when it is). Denial is usually unconscious, but with help, or instruction, people can bring unconscious behaviors into consciousness, where they can be controlled.
2. Projection (blaming) is a person's way of disengaging from negative emotions by a process of shifting the cause of the problem to someone else. For example, people say, – “I don't think s/he likes me.!” – “I don't believe my teacher thinks I am smart!” – “I don't care what you say! If you would not have done (that) I would not have done (this).” – “That blankety-blank chair is always in my way!”
3. Distortion is a person’s defense against preventing emotional pains of shame and guilt after being wrong, or behaving badly. A person who cheated may attempt to alleviate personal guilt by saying that s/he only copied one answer, when caught for copying many answers. A person may distort the truth to get out from under heavy reprimand. A person may distort the truth to swindle someone out of some money, but that may not be an unconscious defense. Unconscious distortion generally takes place to alleviate inner anxiety, fear, guilt or turmoil.
4. Acting out is a defense against emotional pains of being inadequately loved and/or filled with excessive negative input, so that the psyche decides to ignore all advise from the other systems like the conscience. For example, Joan acts flirtatious. The boys say she is a tease. She doe not do so consciously. Joan lives by impulses and becomes magnetized to thrill-seeking. She talks louder than average, gets attracted to foul language and shady jokes more than others. She is the first to try something new. She is the last to go to bed at night. Joan is also into alcohol and drugs for her pleasures. These are her substitutes for the enjoyment others get from learning, performing, competing and relating.
5. Blocking is a Defense Mechanism against some shame, embarrassment, or guilt over illegal or immoral behavior. It is the unconscious defense mechanism which creates a temporary loss of memory due to anxiety. Blocking results from excessive neurological activity and deficiencies of energy in the neurological system. This occurs to students in taking tests or in people giving speeches. For example, a person on a debate team may be unsure of the issues or arguments, which creates anxiety and jams the flow of neurological activity.
6. Hypochondriasis, sometimes also identified with somatization, is an unconscious defense mechanism to prevent painful emotions. When a person senses a threat to a person's emotional well-being, that person can convert the anxiety and fear into physical tension, resulting in physical illness. A person who tends to do this is called a hysterical conversion personality type. For example, a person may have marriage problem which they are psychologically denying, and the inner conflict turns into temporary numbness in one leg, or other problem.
7. Introjection is an internalization of disliked behaviors of another person in the interest of gaining closeness or fulfilling intimacy needs. This behavior is heavily used in co-dependency. For example, the person living with an alcoholic or user of stimulating drugs may dislike the behavior of the mate, but not speak up or leave. That person's need for relationship is so large that the person turns all the hurt and hate into the self rather than speak up and possibly lose the partly offensive relationship.
8. Passive-aggressiveness is being passive with one's hostile aggressions. It is a defense against speaking up and getting hurt more. The frustrations of life and conflict with others are internal and stay internal. Excessive amounts of passive-aggressiveness sets a person on the path toward becoming depressive. For example, mild-mannered persons are often very pleasant for a long time, but then blow up in a rage. A person who learned passive tendencies may be mild-mannered in public but be mean and hostile, periodically, at home. Such behavior is damaging, hence “neurotic.”
9. Regression is a psychological return to an earlier stage of emotional development to avoid current stress on the emotions. For example, a person in college may suddenly discover himself thumb-sucking at night, under the stress of studies and the loneliness of being away from home. A mentally ill person may suddenly start talking like a younger child as in baby-talk. Illness and hospitalization often cause a regression in the interest of gaining much needed attention to meet the need for intimacy.
10. Fantasy is temporary escape from the pain of internal turmoil and conflict, which can become habitual. When the person allows excessive fantasy and modifies some character behavior to achieve a more permanent fantasy, the excess can produce hallucinations and/or the sense of voices. For example, a lonely girl in a conflicted home can develop a fantasy of a “play-friend.” Fantasy which is connected with creativity is usually not a problem. Only fantasies coming out of emotional deprivation or starvation have the tendency to become addictive.
11. Control is the psyche's attempt to defend itself against the emotional pain of being so anxious. They become controlling through conscious and unconscious programming, to excessively manage and direct the affairs of self and others in order to avoid anxiety and inner conflict. For example, a bright person with lack of emotional nurturing to his own psyche, can allow his hurting psyche to be quite harshly controlling. A jealous person, generally insecure himself or herself, is often quite controlling.
12. Displacement defends the emotional system by dumping anger toward one person to a different person, when triggered. It takes feelings generated in one situation and places those feelings on someone or something else. The obvious and more conscious displacement is the placing of anger on a son that should go back to a boss. Intrapsychically, however, inner anxiety can be removed partially by sticking it on something other than the original cause.
13. Dissociation is splitting between emotion and cognition. It is a defense against painful experiences. It results in a temporary amnesia. In severe forms it requires hospitalization. It occurs and leaves abruptly. It shows up in sleep-walking (somnambulism), wandering aimlessly, and multiple personalities. For example, dissociation usually follows a time of extremely stressful experiences. When such stress appears overwhelming and life-threatening the mind shields the body from extreme pressure-causing, stress-induced illnesses.
14. Externalization defends the emotional system against anxiety, shame, embarrassment, guilt low self-esteem and other negative emotions out of a person by processes which avoids the truth and the reality of the situation. For example, incest offenders and certain criminal behaviors are deeds in which anger (negative aggression) from past inner frustrations lead people to ventilate their negative feelings by violating others. Indecent exposure is usually done by a person who has a great deal of inner negativity.
15. Inhibition is the ego's decision to withdraw or limit itself, especially when it is receiving conflicting messages from different systems; ego, id, superego, body, mind, spirit, etc. When a person gets hurt often enough that person becomes inhibited in reaching out.
16. Isolation is a defense against painful emotions. It is the ability of the psyche to remove the emotional side of an experience, set it aside, and retain the content or facts. The reverse is also possible for the psyche.
17. Rationalization is a mental process to justify beliefs and behaviors when they come in conflict with other inner systems, or other external forces, concepts or persons. For example, the person who believes in maximum self-indulgence must rationalize to himself when faced with statistical evidence that his behavior increases his chances of dying early (mortality rate).
18. Reaction formation says yes when you mean no, turns sweet and suppresses upsetness to escape possible guilt and criticism, senses the outrageousness of one's own behavior and becomes reasonable (or vice versa). When people hit the bottom, they frequently develop totally opposite behaviors, which can become equally unrealistic.
19. Repression is unconscious. A lover may repress some negative feelings about his or her relationship, because that person needs so badly do feel loved. An abused child may repress painful experiences because of the child's need to feel loved. A person may repress deep grief over the lost of a dear person, and never weep or share those hurts with another person. A person may unconsciously harbor deep grudges, and that is repression. Repression stores painful and disappointing experiences when society and culture do not permit expression and confession of those feelings.
20. Sexualization is the ability of the person to unconsciously make an object or experience have sexually arousing power. For example; Male individuals can invest sexually-oriented arousal power to female shoes. That way they avoid the emotions of guilt of having sexual feelings toward members of the opposite sex.
Defense Mechanisms are generally automatic responses. They can become severe, pathological and harmful to one’s reputation, to one’s mental processes and to physical health. Allowing one’s conscience to sense their problematic nature, and making higher-level value choices helps to eliminate an excessive use of these. Aiming at living by rational (truthful) behaviors will prevent some of the use of these mechanisms.
Session 3-4 UPGRADING THE CONSCIENCE
You’ll need a stronger and keener conscience for the development of more optimum fulfillment. If you choose to lie, steal, blame, deny, rationalize and be passive aggressive (explosive) most of the time, then forget about going after optimum fulfillment or rising to your optimum potential.
Of primary importance is the person’s passion for truth, honesty, openness. Truth solves many problems. Truth counteracts every defense mechanism. Truth prevents lying, blaming, denial, rationalization, and all the other neurotic defense mechanisms. Truth is not always easy to find. Truth is not always easy to produce. There are many temptations to slant the truth to our favor. Frequently, the shame and guilt of what we did it too embarrassing, so we shade it. The commitment to truth will have a significant role in how much we dabble in the use of the neurotic defense mechanisms to cover up our shame and guilt.
Truth as the key to avoiding use of neurotic defenses
“To rely solely on desire [passion] to produce good states of affairs may seem utopian [impossibly ideal]. It may be said that, if I desire this strongly enough, then (apart from errors arising from sheer ignorance) I shall not go wrong in the first place. . . Guilt and shame serve as a kind of reinforcement to desire, or rather the lack of it. . .” John Wilson
You will feel more tinge of conscience (shame, guilt) if you connect with the passion for truth, morality and character. Listen to editor of the Journal of Moral Education, John Wilson (2001). He suggests that one needs to be prepared for experiencing some shame and guilt, once you decide to listen and obey your conscience. One must need to be willing to feel shame and guilt, not escape it with neurotic defense mechanisms.
Desire and shame need to be balanced, says Wilson. Wilson cautions that an overactive conscience could have some negative consequences on self-esteem. They must work together in a framework of reasonable and rational understanding. Although Wilson does not mention it, one needs to be able to forgive oneself when one’s behavior falls short of one’s expectations. You may desire something badly, but if you can’t have it, don’t feel guilty about that. Forgive yourself’s foolish desire.
Owning (confession) and forgiveness needed
“Moral education should be viewed as norm acquisition.”
Thomas Green, Notre Dame, 1999
A good, clean, clear, helpful conscience is not compatible with behaviors that deny, blame, and rationalize (trying to make the guilt or problem go away by explaining it with false information). Optimum functioning of the conscience and Neurotic Defenses do not work together. If a person wants a helpful conscience, then that person must quite using Defense Mechanisms when dealing with personal issues. A person of character seldom uses the neurotic defenses. Having integrity means the persons allows his or her conscience to produce embarrassment and guilt and they learn from their mistakes. Those persons who have the community’s respect, generally have a strongly active conscience.
The opposite of denying and blaming is confessing (or owning up). And forgiveness is partly the opposite of Acting Out. Confession and forgiveness are the main ingredients in a string which starts with a person’s being reminded or a confrontation by what someone said or what you thought they might think. The conscience is active here is generating negative inner feelings about oneself – which is a feeling of remorse and being regretful. This becomes owning up to those feelings and deciding whether it is necessary to make the information of one’s psyche (soul) more open. If the person then feels safe to own up to the error, that may enable the person to come clean and confess. An apology follows on the tail of confession. That generally leads to forgiveness. Now the conscience is clean again.
Learning conscience development
“Always do right.. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
Mark Twain
Positive education sharpens the conscience. Learning neurotic defense mechanisms from family and friends dulls the conscience. Thomas Green, Notre Dame, Indiana, (1999) suggests that moral education should be viewed as norm acquisition. There are better and best ways of thinking and behaving. There are optimum values. There are convictions that lead to positive results. There are traits of character that become standards. The functionality of a person’s conscience should be judged by them. A conscience guided by more optimum values, by ethical beliefs, by rational convictions and by character traits can feel clean inside and affirm the person using them at their highest possible level. Schools teach truth. Schools teach students there are certain rules in life that one needs to play by. These are lessons to be deeply implanted in one’s conscience.
Recall the list of the higher values. Then think of why you took a literature class, or a history class. You studied literature partly because society wants people to learn about optimum thinking styles from literature and history.
Think about football or band. You learn to follow the rules in order to win or make music. If everyone just did what they wanted to do, without any inner conscience about the rules, there would be no winning in football and no enjoyable music.
Meditation increasing conscience sensitivity
One way to tap that wisdom of the conscience is through meditation. Its not the type of meditation which is accompanied with a mantra. Its not the type of meditation that requires an eastern religious mentality. It’s simpler than that. A person needs to find a quiet place, practice some relaxation, and listen, Just listen, not physically listen; soul-listening; conscience-focused; waiting for the inner light which is wisdom that empowers.
Find a quiet place, away from distractions. Take some paper and a pen or pencil with you. Close your eyes. Relax. Breath deeply. As you inhale think about “RE” and as you exhale think about “LAX.” Do this a few times. Then, relax. Mentally focus upward. Look for stars. Now say something like, “What should I do?” Repeat. Repeat.
At first there might be nothing, or a flood of imagery. It can be confusing. But you keep the focus on your immediate concern, question or problem. Remember, you are seeking the most honest, best, complete, unbiased, objective, truthful, practical solution. Ultimately, you are asking the source of that information. Write down the ideas that come from letting your conscience reflect on your problems, your ideas or your future, etc. When you do this for the first time, you will have a lot of past unfinished tasks to write down. Deal with as many unfinished items as possible.
After each meditation session, proceed to take care of those unfinished tasks so that your conscience can be cleaned up. Repeat daily. The list may not get cleaned up right away. Keep at it until you feel caught up.
This practice, whatever you call it, opens up dreams, goals, ambitions, passions. It can open up age-old hostilities as well. It can open up the closets full of guilty behaviors. You may need to confess some behaviors. You may need to apologize to some persons. You may need to repay someone. Because a cleaner conscience will give you a clearer and more accurate message.
Discernment
How does a person know (discernment) whether the “light” one senses is from some higher level of revelation, or simply a passion of one’s own imagination? A person needs to come to some awareness (discernment) before plunging forward. Too many persons have suffered miserable failure because they failed to consult persons with more experience, after sensing some “light” that they believe is directing them. Discernment is a process of doing one’s homework to stay in touch with reality. Discernment is a process of engaging others to help count the cost and determine the probability of success, or acceptability.
Groups of persons have been practicing the art of listening for that inner “light” for years. These groups understand that this “light” was comes from a connection with spirituality. These groups had some problems. Certain strong leaders did not always remain rational. Their “light” was shown to be unreasonable. They paraded their knowledge of a certain enlightened idea to the detriment of others. After that these groups installed a safeguard. They required that persons believing they were lead by that “inner light” present their idea to a others, seeking thereby to remain anchored to a common universal reality. This committee would then help evaluate the rationality of the newly envisioned idea. This safeguard has now become basic to the process of listening to the light of one’s conscience. The light we believe to be true, must pass the test, after being submitted to a wider circle of reasonable persons. Discernment becomes highly important to rational behavior.
Whatever role the conscience plays in bringing forth a decision or a consequent behavior, the conscience must reflect the rational judgement of fellow human beings. The passion of the insight and the ability of the conscience to allow it, must be guided by facts, truth, rationality, and all the brainpower a person can consult.
Positive imagery reinforcing conscience
Essentially, and more profoundly, the conscience of a person will develop and become more and more like the people we admire. The conscience generally develops first in the home. However, that is just the beginning of life. From there the conscience can develop for one’s good or grow dull, producing a great many problems in life. Fortunately, many internalize the behaviors of their heros and they are positive heros. Others, unfortunately, hero-ize angry, self-destructive behaviors in others. Most of these are persons who do not take advantage of the benefits of a good conscience.
“When your intelligence don’t tell you something ain’t right, your conscience gives you a tap on the shoulder and says, ‘Hold on.’ If it don’t you’re a snake.” Elvis Presley 20th-century American celebrity singer
|
One of the world’s strongest spokesman for lifestyle education is John Wilson, Oxford University, England. He wrote in the Journal of Moral Education (2001) that “it is easier to be guided by a visual or ‘aesthetic’ picture than by any other kind of mechanism, because such a picture appeals more directly to our perceptions and our imagination. . . So I myself have to internalize these pictures and to feel shame (of conscience, Ed.) when I do not live up to them.” The picture he is talking about is the picture that we have of ourselves and the picture that others have of us. This picture affects our conscience activity. If that picture, that imagery, is guided by low-level neurotic defense mechanism behaviors, a person’s conscience will probably remain dulled. If that picture, that internalized imagery, reflects friends with higher values, higher morals, higher convictions and higher relationship to truth, that person’s conscience will be more helpful.
So what does this mean for conscience. It suggests that a person may need to change the focus of one’s attention on identification with persons they respect. That may entail disengagement from current friends and cultural environment. 1. A person may need to move to another town or to another part of town and find friends with a higher level of conscience. 2. A person may need to “bite the bullet” and go back to a school that teaches higher values, higher commitments, higher character traits, etc. 3. A person may need to be open to a personal commitment to a higher spiritual system which teaches those higher values. 4. other. Certainly combining all three and the “other” would accelerate the increase in conscience signals and behavior changes.
In religious activity people are using positive imagery to energize their motivational systems to behave in a more beneficial way. Because of separation between church and state in America, the focus on veneration of saints and religious leaders is not generally included. However, the student should know the truth that half of the people of the world (or more) spend some time, money and effort in positive imagery. This current information should help describe the importance of that practice in maintaining a functional conscience.
Passionate ethical beliefs internalized to conscience
Beliefs determine destiny. During the last 30 years of Cognitive Therapy notable psychologists have set forth the concept that people’s problems come from irrational or false beliefs, not necessarily from frustrated desires. Psychology first focused on how a person had a problem from being treated badly. That occupied most of the first half of the 20th century. Many problems were traced back to bad homes, abusive treatment, traumatic experiences, etc. Psychology still help many persons by identifying and treating those problems.
A new understanding arrived in the early 1970's. Psychologists began to understand that simply tracing a problem back to a painful childhood or a painful traumatic experience did not generally make the problem go away. Something had to happen in the person’s belief system. Some change in thought and belief had to take place. Frequently learned a wrong belief. The belief was “irrational” and not “rational.” The belief was not true. A child was told they were “bad” or “stupid” by many attitudes, gestures, words and lifts of the eyebrow. The person grew up introjecting those ideas into their belief system. That created many problems as a consequence. Once the person could learn to replace these outdated, false, and irrational ideas and beliefs, they could rise out of the problems.
Illustration
Joe bragged a lot. People avoided him. One day an acquaintance told Joe that Joe’s “bragging” was making people avoid him. The shock of hearing this feedback was huge. It brought him shame and guilt. Joe wanted to change. He had a “desire.” His conscience went to work, big time. He worked hard at stopping his “bragging.” But then he fell into a “silent Sam” kind of person for a while. Little by little he learned how to ask people about themselves, instead of talking about himself. He found the skill of carrying on a two-way communications. He liked it. His friendships became more natural. He abandoned his bragging friends and found friendships that were built on common interests, hopes and aspirations. He grew more. He became wiser. His world opened up. He went to seminars. He was promoted. He broke out of his narcissistic world of self-preoccupation and became a notable success. Joe’s enlightenment came when he was confronted. His conscience did the work. He heard all the shame and guilt coming from the voice of his conscience. He didn’t deny, blame, or rationalize away the shame and guilt. He let it make him a success. That is what conscience is all about. It can make you what you want to become. But you need to be able to hear and obey it.
Mentoring and accountability for upgrading conscience
MENTORING IS A STRONG SUPPORT FOR SHARPENING AND MAINTAINING THE STRENGTH OF CONSCIENCE YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF.
|
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a good model. AA demonstrates the power of supportive friends to keep the conscience alive in the face of alcohol addiction processes. In AA the support process is weekly, sometimes more, sometimes less. Partnerships are created. They have a “buddy” system for that personal lift in down times.
Mentoring and accountability is a free association between two persons. There can be no pressure. There can be no manipulation. All the cards are on the table. The autonomy, the mentoring, the accountability, the values, the beliefs can all help keep the conscience functioning normally and optimally.
Mentoring and accountability deals with the heart and soul of two persons. While there is some exchange of “head knowledge” there is an even more important transmission of “heart” and “soul.” A person’s “head” can be filled with very important information, but that information needs to be connected with behavior. You can be taught to be more generous than selfish. Yet, if selfish behaviors prevail over generous behaviors, “head” knowledge didn’t help.
Mentoring and accountability training enables the link to grow between what’s in the head and what comes out as behavior. There is a phrase. “People don’t buy from people they don’t like.” We don’t learn from people we dislike. There is something about a positive two-way relationship that builds the bridge between “head thoughts” and consequent “personal behaviors.” Jesus knew that. We are still learning.
Session 3-5 CONSCIENCE – WILL POWER – DREAD
Willpower seldom succeeds by itself. Willpower is only as strong as the values (beliefs) one holds (like faith, hope, love), the passion level of those values (beliefs), and the support we get from people who have them. You can say, “I will conquer this bad behavior.” But if you have no friends, other than “bad behavior” friends, you’ll give up.
Willpower’s dependence on conscience
At this point in time the social sciences are saying, if you have a problem, it is because your belief is wrong ( Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck, Maxie Maultsby, Martin Seligman, et al.). People steal because they believe they won’t be caught. Wrong beliefs get people “jail time.” Belief determines destiny in many cases. Without a strong belief in the kind of lifestyles the social sciences, religion and philosophy recommend, willpower will be weak. The more passionate the belief in the best lifestyles, the greater the conscience will be working to help a person become a winner. Here is a comparison between Frank with a conscience-driven willpower, and George without much of a conscience to drive his will power.
Frank believes the current statistics that college graduates make about twice as much money in a lifetime. This new wisdom sparked his goal, energized his passion, and engaged his conscience. --- George heard about that but he likes his alcohol and can’t save money. He likes the taste of what he drinks. The passion for taste is fixated in his psyche. His id has overpowered his superego, the seat of his conscience. – Frank visualizes and dreams about his “belief” that college education pays off. It motivates him every day. His conscience jerks him back when he gets sidetracked. – George is often too fixated on his biological taste buds in his mouth, and/or too drunk to think about any future ideas or dreams. He has his own priorities, but his fantasy is very far from reality. – Which one will have a more active conscience. Of course, it’s Frank. And who is going to have more willpower? Frank has the passion, the dream, the desire. He’ll get more help from his conscience. George will deny, blame, rationalize, etc. using the Defense Mechanisms. Visionaries with passionately high ideals get a lot of help from their soul’s inner light.
Frank shows us a connection between “dulled conscience” and lack of willpower. So then there must also be a connection between “good/clean conscience” and stronger willpower.
|
Dread as procrastination; procrastination as dread
How does one fix dread? What does it take for “dread” to go away? What connects conscience with willpower? How does a person face it, conquer it or deal with it? What can one do to blow it away? Often dread causes one to procrastinate. Laziness is the outcome of dread, and dread is the outcome of laziness. Dread, laziness, procrastination become cyclical and its hard to know how to stop it.
Dread of doing something has a number of possible sources.
1. This fits me.
Yes No
1. Dread (as procrastination) is stronger when conscience is weaker.
A strong conscience (from ego) will swift kick to get it done.
High dread is partly a bad habit of doing the easiest thing.
2. This fits me.
Yes No
2. Dread (as procrastination) is stronger in the selfish person.
The person who is not very loving will not have a strong enough sens of caring to energize dread into action.
3. This fits me.
Yes No
3. Dread (as procrastination) is stronger when a person is depressed.
When a person experiences the death of a loved one, or a failure, or a financial loss, they experience fatigue, and have lots of dread to do anything.
4. This fits me.
Yes No
4. Dread (as procrastination) increases when a person is indecisive.
When a person can’t figure out what task is of higher priority, or more urgent, the person becomes paralyzed from action.
5. This fits me.
Yes No
5. Dread (as procrastination) increases when a person is over-extended.
Don’t take on too many projects at one time. Finish what you start. Make sure you get personal satisfaction from finishing.
6. This fits me.
Yes No
6. Dread (as procrastination) increases with fear of rejection or failure.
If you have not done adequate homework, nor consulted others, even specialists, then “dread” is likely to prevent any action.
7. This fits me.
Yes No
7. Dread (as procrastination) occurs when there is a clash of values.
If you tend to value mostly what “you want” to do, and ignore what “you should do” for others, then you will dread certain things, and procrastinate on obligations to do what you need to do.
8. This fits me.
Yes No
9. This fits me.
Yes No
8. Dread (as procrastination) blocks and . paralyzes action when one feels like s/he is getting behind in a number of things that such a person realizes need to be done. It may be necessary to clean up a backlog of unfinished things before one even the conscience will let a person do the higher priority things.
9. Dread (as procrastination) decreases when people have a passion.
Meditate until the inner light from your conscience motivates you. In meditation one often figures out what tasks have priority.
10. This fits me.
Yes No
10. Dread (as procrastination) gets fixed best when one decides to become spiritually oriented; perhaps even to god-like pursuits, the most optimum lifeskills that generate benefits for us.
Handling the dreaded prodding of the conscience
Dread! “Oh how I dread to do that. I’ll do it later.” This is the moment in which the good, strong, clean and clear conscience is prodding, telling you what you really must do, and you can’t get up the “whatever” to do it. Here is a true story of conscience. It’s a story of all the connections the conscience has with every system in a person. It’s a story of what we all face many times. It’s a story of the triumph of the conscience, mind, body, soul, spirit and psyche to make willpower succeed.
I was thinking about calling on Dave. I had it on my list for weeks. This morning I got into my car and pointed it south. I had made a commitment that I was going to call Dave. I was going to present my ideas to him. I had worked on a Habitat for Humanity house with him. He was a friend. Was I ready? Did I have all my ideas in order? Would I be prepared for questions he might ask? Would I be prepared for rejections he might have of my proposal? I had a thousand inhibitions going down to the tips of my little toes.
Never mind that I have 25 years of education and a vast amount of experience. My inner being was stalling. I had planned to do this for about 10 days. This was the day. I came to this day. I couldn’t run away.
I couldn’t escape my commitment to myself. My conscience, and every cell in my brain told me this had to be done. My reputation of myself was at stake. My self-esteem was at stake. I couldn’t be a quitter in my own eyes.
My inner psyche (soul) evaluated the diversions. Yes, I thought I had better water the hanging plants first. And, Yes, I better pick up the branches that the windy rain storm strewed on the ground. And, No. – I finally recognized the familiar temptations that were “rationalization” to keep my self free from guilt, even though I was not getting at the business of “obeying” my conscience.
I got there. Dave was in. He would talk with me. Everything turned out well. Now, I’m OK inside. My conscience is guilt free, stronger, cleaner, and clearer.
Resolving the tension in favor of obedience to the conscience
How does anyone trip the lever so it supercharges the conscience, to give the strongest message, to do the right thing, the best thing, the most beneficial thing for oneself? Philosophers, poets, theologians, and scientists have been debating that for several millenia. Some persons find the answer to that in the hospital, in a mental illness ward, in an AA meeting, in a church worship service, or even in a box on a subway vent trying to keep warm in the middle of winter. They find it here.
“There’s got to be a better way of life than this.”
At the bottom of the pit of despair, they make a commitment to find that “better way of life.” They make a commitment to a process, not to a solution. They keep on going to AA, or to church, or to whatever. They start the search from their need to survive as a person, no longer as one who functioned out of savage, sensual and self-destructive impulses. Many people turn to God, the one who keeps trying to tell us what we ought to do for our own good.
REVIEW AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Rosa Parks defied a law requiring black persons to sit in the rear seats of a bus. She believed the law was wrong. She took a front seat and refused to move to the rear of the bus. She listened to the light of her conscience. What issue(s) are in your conscience? Are you willing to stand up and speak up for truth, fairness, justice, etc. Would you report a bully in your school? Would you report a person who said they were carrying a gun in school?
2. Name situations when your conscience prevents you from some behavior.
3. What signals does your conscience give? (Describe situation first.)
Shame, or fear, or guilt (on wrong track) or (clean)?
4. People can have a higher level of conscience for one situation, and a lower level of conscience for another situation.
a) suppose you were tempted to steal. Your conscience? High? Low?
b) suppose you were tempted to get drunk. Conscience? High? Low?
c) suppose you were tempted to blow up. Your conscience? Hi? Lo?
d) suppose you were tempted to cheat. Your conscience? High? Low?
5. What sharpens conscience?
6. What do you gain by having a higher-level-sensitive conscience?
7. Are you really eager for truth so that your conscience will function better?
8. How often do you use the Defense Mechanisms, denial, blame, rationalization?
9. If “denial,” “blame,” and “rationalization” are essentially lying behaviors, how strong do you think the conscience of a liar is?
10. Tell us what you have lost by not having a sensitive conscience.
11. When children are extremely aggressive and don’t learn to reduce the amount of their “wants,” they remain more demanding than normal, more rebellious and more hostile. This behavior hampers the proper development of the conscience.
12. Talk about government and conscience. Does our system of government enable our representatives to sense the conscience of the majority? About what issues?
12. Can an industry have a conscience? A sensitive conscience about what?
13. Name a local industry that appears to have a conscience about some issues. And identify the issues that industry seems to have a sensitive conscience about.
14. How does one keeps conscience sensitive and functional so it stops a person from doing wrong, and helps a person do what is right?
15. Conscience is possible in everyone in the world. Some persons listen to their conscience and obey it. Some are quite dulled whether or not they are religious. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest) as you compare yourself with the world population, how strong is your conscience on most good behaviors?
16. Would your conscience let you zip into a Reserved for Commercial Vehicles parking spot if no other spot was available near where you wanted to go?
17. Would your conscience let you use a PATRONS ONLY rest room in a golf course even if you did not play golf?
18. What signals do you get from your conscience when you pass-by the offering plate in a place of worship?
SUMMARY OF OPTIMUM PSYCHO-SOCIAL LIFESKILLS
Just a reminder that each “lifeskill” taught in this course is applicable to more issues in optimum living than those addressed in this chapter.
In each chapter certain psychological skills were introduced to help persons life at optimum levels. For most persons no single “skill” works without the synergistic effects of multiple skills working together. By the end of this textbook you will be familiar with the use of nearly 50 “skills” which psychology has identified over the past half century. You will see increasing additions to this box of “skills” after each chapter.
LIFESKILLS FOR MOVING UP (left) (right)ORIGINATOR OF THE SKILL
or famous user/promoter
Intentionality (Ch. 1) Rollo May
Positive Strokes, libidinal nourishment (Ch. 1) Sigmund Freud, Eric Berne
Values clarification (Ch.2) Gordon Allport, Milton Rokeach
Self-actualization Ch. 2) Abraham Maslow
Stroking (Ch. 2) Eric Berne, Claude Steiner
Support groups (Ch. 2, 3) Alcoholics Anonymous
Catharsis (Ch. 2, 4) Freud and Breuer
Rational replacement of irrational ideas (Ch. 2) Albert Elli
Focusing (Ch. 2) Eugene T. Gendlin
Owning feelings (conscience) (Ch. 3) Many psychologists & Marriage Encounter
Positive Imagery (Ch. 3) John Wilson, Achterberg
Mentoring For Accountability (Ch. 3) Alcoholics Anonymous
|
----------------------------------------------------------
|
HERE IS THE BEST AND FASTEST WAY TO
OBTAIN THE WORLD'S CORE INFORMATION
ABOUT HOW TO REACH YOUR OPIMUM
POTENTIAL.